Intermezzo: Another Tale of Kam Anders
by sidlerocks
Summary: The further adventures of Jack, Kam and the crew of The Bonny Welshman. Follows Helen Pattskyn's Forget Not Me and my own Interlude-A Tale of Kam Anders. Helen's next story starts up where this one ends..
1. Chapter 1

**Intermezzo—Another Tale of Kam Anders**

Tiptoeing gratefully again into the wonderful future version of Helen Pattskyn's AU-Verse. This story directly follows her **Forget Not Me**and my own **Interlude—A Tale of Kam Anders **and is written with her support, advice and contributions. The penultimate chapter is ALL Helen. Included in this story with huge gratitude (not the least of which is because it meant I got to read it first). Isn't it perfect?!?

(Be sure to read the other stories before starting this one.)

Helen's actual return to this world is coming (along with some other really good new stuff in the AU-Verse). I promise.

And thanks to both Helen and Neener for their beta'ing. This is a much better story for their efforts.

Please, please, please comment. Reviews of my previous story, intended as a one shot, are what inspired me to write this one, so if you're enjoying getting bits and pieces while Helen is busy with other things, **you might want to mention it**...

* * *

Chapter 1—Intermezzo

_**Primum non nocere.**_

**--Galen**

_* * *_

"Captain? A moment of your time?"

Jack startled as the ship's medic spoke from the infirmary doorway he'd just passed on his way to the mess. It was hardly the "Oi! Jack!!!" that he'd once been accustomed to hearing yelled from across the Hub by Gwen or Owen, but in truth Jack couldn't remember when a member of his crew had approached him directly in _any_ fashion. Decades, certainly. Centuries possibly. _Surely not centuries_…

He paused, and turned back to face her.

"Doc?" The term was used generally for ships' medics, although most were actually corpsmen by training, if that, but Jack knew that in the case of his new medic, the honorific was actually deserved. He still didn't know the details of how she came to be struck off the Medical Register, but in the last month he'd had no reason to regret following Pete Davies' advice in signing her onto his crew. Of course, he'd had very little contact with her himself, but had made sure that she closely monitor Kam's recovery from his injuries and was thus far impressed with her efficient professionalism. Plus she was beautiful, her chocolate colored skin, flashing warm eyes and slightly exotic features hinted at a widely mixed heritage.

She indicated the infirmary door with a tilt of her head.

"In private, Sir?"

Wordlessly he followed her in. She hit the pressure pad, closing the door behind her.

"What can I do for you, Doc?"

Anna Raynor eyed the Captain thoughtfully. She'd heard a lot about Jack Harkness over the years, not much of it good. Taking this job had been a huge leap of faith, and faith in Pete Davies, not Harkness. She'd not had a lot of contact with the Captain, but what she'd seen so far had pleasantly surprised her and been at odds with most of the reputation that had preceded him.

He _was_ incredibly gorgeous, _did_ smell absolutely amazing, and _would _flirt in almost any interaction; those things were definitely true. But the man she'd observed was otherwise professional, observant, thoughtful, knowledgeable, intelligent, with high expectations for his crew, but patient and understanding of rookie errors. And on the few infirmary visits he'd attended with Mr. Anders, he'd been supportive, kind, affectionate, concerned, gentle.

Still, experience had taught her not to put much faith in people being what they seemed. Making that mistake had destroyed her career and sent her out onto the frontiers of space.

She decided she'd better speak before she lost her nerve.

"I've been reviewing the crew's medical files," she began. He waited. She continued. "There isn't one for you."

"I'm aware of that."

"I need to get you in, get your physical done. You're the only member of the crew I've not seen yet."

"I'm fine. You will not start a file on me. And that's an order."

"But sir, if something were to happen to you…"

"Believe me, Dr. Raynor, I'm hard to kill."

"Captain…"

"Doc, this subject is closed. So if that's all—"

"Actually, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." He stood quietly, watching her, waiting again.

"I've been reviewing the crew's medical files," she repeated.

"So you said."

"Mr. Anders…"

Jack's attention sharpened.

"What about him?"

"He's going to be twenty in two days." She waited.

Jack relaxed and smiled slightly at her. "Yes, I am aware of it." Kam had not mentioned his birthday again since their first interaction, just before passing through a magnetic field had sent the two of them crashing together to the deck of the ship's bridge, but Jack had looked it up in his personnel records.

"I thought maybe—" Her voice faltered. _Maybe_ this wasn't such a good idea. Harkness had never done anything to make her think he'd welcome her getting involved in the private lives of his crew. On the other hand, the ship's complement totaled fifteen, and they were stuck with each other for at least the next five months. Surely anything that created a sense of comradry…

"Dr. Raynor, is there actually something I can do for you?"

"I thought I might arrange a surprise party," she finished in a whoosh.

Jack stared at her, dumb struck. Sure, he'd picked up a little something on Omega and tucked it away for Kam's birthday, but a celebration beyond a private evening had never occurred to him.

"I'm fairly certain Kam's never had a birthday," he said cautiously. "Any commemoration of one, I mean."

"I've gathered. I wasn't thinking of anything big, just maybe work with Lachlan to come up with something special for dinner, maybe," she eyed him carefully, "maybe cover the bridge with a skeleton crew for an hour or two, just get the crew together for a little celebration."

"Do you think you could do it without making a big deal about Kam?" he asked slowly.

"You don't think he'd like it?"

"I think he might be overwhelmed a little, Doc."

"Yeah, I think I could make it low key. Some of his favorite foods, just a nice dinner?"

Jack nodded.

"I could work out a crew rotation on the bridge to let everyone come for awhile."

"Do you want me to run my plans by you, Sir?"

Jack stopped himself from saying "yes". Either he decided to trust his people or he didn't. The impulse to trust was rusty.

"No. Just, Kam, he's…" He searched for the right words and failed.

"Very strong, but very vulnerable," she supplied. "I know. He's shared some of his background with me. Patient confidentiality. Don't worry. I quite like your Mr. Anders. I won't do anything to hurt him."

Jack nodded at her in polite dismissal, turned and headed for the door. But he paused at the doorway and looked back.

"Doc?"

"Sir?"

"It occurs to me that you and I haven't had much of a chance to get to know each other yet. I was heading to the mess to get something to eat." He looked around at her neat, empty infirmary, significantly changed from the disorder that had resulted from years of him being the closest thing the ship had to a medic.

"Any chance you can get away long enough to have lunch with me?" There was something in his expression that might be interpreted as a come-on, but his voice was sincere and nothing in their interactions so far suggested to Anna that there was any more to his invitation than it appeared on the surface. Reminding herself not to give anyone the benefit of the doubt no matter how innocent he seemed, she hesitated momentarily, then acquiesced. He was her captain, after all, even if he couched his request as an invitation rather than an order.

"Just give me a second to secure the meds and records."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2--Intermezzo

"**Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred**"

**--Proverb 15:17**

* * *

Jack spotted Kam sitting with Tolbert and Jennings as soon as he entered the mess. The younger man flashed him a smile when their eyes met, glancing at the table in invitation. Jack tilted his head toward the doc, indicating he was going to eat with her. Kam nodded very slightly in acknowledgement. Jack lifted an eyebrow in question, "_Join us when you finish there_?" and Kam nodded again. They exchanged a smile, and Jack turned to get a cup of coffee. Tolbert and Jennings were completely oblivious to the exchange. Raynor watched with rapt attention.

"The two of you really have a good relationship, don't you?" The words flew involuntarily out of her mouth. She looked at Jack, appalled as soon as she realized what she'd said. Anna had learned to temper her speech, to edit her thoughts—blurting out an observation was really out of character for her. But it didn't seem to bother the Captain. His expression softened, and his smile grew even wider.

"It's new, but yes."

"Are we joining them?"

"No, but Kam is going to join us once they're finished."

She nodded, having confirmed her interpretation of the communication that had taken place.

"Good. That'll give you a chance to provide me with some information on his favorite foods."

Since the addition of a cook, the mess had been transformed from an automated cafeteria line to a place where the crew sat and food was brought to the table. Lachlan McLean's meals leaned more towards single menu family style meals than short order cook, but he was flexible and took into account various crew member's tastes and dietary preferences. Two meals a day—one for each shift, rotating through first, second and third meals—were laid out as a buffet, so that McLean could prepare it ahead and have a chunk of downtime, but that too was superb. Complaints about the food had never been common—the kind of spacers Jack had hired in the past didn't expect much, and the food had always been passable—but now he had a content and well-fed crew. Plus Kam had made some kind of adjustment to the coffee machine, and while it might not be QUITE as good as the brews he did himself, it was damned drinkable.

Lachlan arrived at the table with a smile for Anna shortly after they sat down with their coffee. Jack was eating a lot more in the mess these days, but was still not a regular fixture. Dinner with Kam before night shift was a time he protected fiercely, and Lachlan had learned early on to leave their evening meal in the warmer in the Captain's quarters.

"Doc, Captain. Nice to see you both."

Anna smiled back at him.

"Hi, Lach."

"I've got a couple of choices today. Anna, you might like the vegetarian quiche and the spinach salad with raspberries, pecans and goat cheese. I also have a hot beef chili with corn bread and salad, or a cold sesame noodle salad, either with or without chicken."

Anna looked deferentially to the Captain, but he tilted his head, indicating "ladies first" as clearly as if he had said it out loud. _Boy_, she thought, _is that an antiquated concept_!

"I think the quiche sounds great. Thanks, Lach!"

"And for you, Captain?"

"I'll have the same. Thank you," he politely dismissed the cook.

"Did you two know each other before coming aboard?" Jack asked Raynor curiously, struck by their easy familiarity.

"He was working at a hole in the wall greasy spoon I went to sometimes, but I didn't know him well. I also knew Buddy Garrison and An Cho on Omega. The rest of the crew were new to me."

"And how have your experiences been on the Welshman so far?"

She studied him carefully, but saw nothing beyond sincere interest.

"So far, it's nothing like I thought it would be," she replied honestly.

"How so?"

"No offense, Sir, but you and this ship have a certain—reputation."

"And based on that, what did you expect?"

"I figured I'd come aboard, hide out in a dispensary with band aids and aspirin, patch up cuts and bruises and weather the next six months by marking the days off on a wall calendar."

Jack frowned at her.

"And that scenario made you want to sign on because…"

"It was still better than the situation I was in, I figured at the end of six months I'd have a little stake money, and Pete Davies told me to have a little faith." She caught and held Jack's laser gaze. "I have learned that having faith in someone else can be a very dangerous thing." His own eyes did not waver.

"I hope I don't do anything to disappoint you. I'm a little out of practice, Dr. Raynor. It's been a long, long time since anyone had any reason to have faith in me. Or since I wanted anyone to."

"You seem like you're doing pretty well so far, Sir, if you don't mind me saying so. This ship of yours is becoming quite a little community."

"I think Mr. Garrison has a lot to do with that." Other than brief conversations on his frequent "night time" (it was easier to think of "day" and "night" based on one's own schedule rather than the ship's arbitrary designations) strolls through the Welshman, he rarely saw the new day shift engineer, but Smeed was very impressed with the man, both for his competence and his easy gregariousness.

Anna smiled. "He's certainly a hard man to ignore, and his enthusiasm for life is contagious. The day shift bridge crew has begun taking almost all of their meals together at a single table."

Jack glanced around the mess, where small groups of people were gathered at tables. No crewmember was eating alone.

"The night shift appears to be getting along well enough, too."

She nodded her agreement.

"For the most part."

"But," Jack continued, pausing as McLean brought their food and left with a smile for Anna, "we're supposed to be talking about Kam, and it won't be long before he'll be joining us." They were at a right angle to the other table, and Anna was quite sure Jack hadn't looked across the room since they sat down, but a quick glance in Kam's direction confirmed that the trio was winding up their meal.

"So, what does he like?"

Jack started to answer, then paused, suddenly realizing that the answer he was about to give was about Ianto's food preferences, most completely forgotten until this moment. And god knew, Ianto had eaten horribly. Take away. Junk.

"You know, I've not come across anything yet that he hasn't liked. Pineapple is a particular favorite, but maybe you can have McLean feel him out a little." Then he had a brainstorm. "He said something once about his mom making chicken with dumplings. He got really misty-eyed, commented on not having had it since." Jack saw a twinge flit across her face.

"What?"

"I'm a vegetarian." He eyed her curiously.

"Even on board a ship where all the meat protein is synthesized?"

"Is it? I always assumed with all the stores…" Not many ships the size of the Welshman carried a synthesizer. It had never occurred to her to ask Lachlan.

"Not meat. I've seen more than enough death in my life. I like a good steak, but given the choice between killing something for me to have one, or splurging on a synthesizer thirty years ago after a big haul…"

"There's really no animal derived meat protein on this ship?"

"Really."

"I might have to try some of Kam's chicken and dumplings, then."

"That dish is just an idea. I'll defer to you and McLean on the final menu."

A movement off to his left alerted him to Kam's approach. He changed the subject.

"So, are you having any problems I can help you with? Anyone giving you a hard time, Doc?"

"One of my scanners is acting up a little, but Buddy said he'd take a look at it when he gets off shift today. Other than that…" She looked up as Kam reached the table and put a casual hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Doc, Jack? Mind if I join you?"

Anna pulled out a chair, but Kam smiled at her in thanks, and moved around to take the seat next to Jack.

"All quiet in the infirmary?" he asked, fully aware that on a ship with a crew complement of fifteen, if anyone had anything seriously wrong with him or her, everyone would have known it.

"Pretty quiet, Mr. Anders."

"Please, 'Kam.'"

"Only if you'll call me Anna."

"Not sure I can do that, Doc, but I'd still like _you_ to call _me_ Kam."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3—Intermezzo

"_**Prejudice is a great time saver. **_

_**You can form opinions without having to get the facts."**_

**--E. B. White**

* * *

In the back corner of the mess, Avi Stasi shot a hot hooded glance across the room at the trio at the front table.

"Just look at him!" he growled softly at Carsten Weiss. "Sitting there, with the Captain and the medic, like he's a _real_ member of this crew."

Weiss threw him a warning glance.

"Avi, you've got to get over this obsession. I just don't understand it! You came aboard the Welshman with such a hard on about this, before you even met the guy! You and An both! Kamden Anders and his relationship with the captain are pre-existing factors on this ship. Nothing you do is going to change that. Harkness was willing to kick six men off of this ship because of him. Two of those men ended up dead, and a third on a penal colony. Cross him and you'll be gone before you can say 'boo'. Besides that, I'm on the bridge with them, and as far as I can see, Kam does his job well. He's a hell of a lot better pilot than the guy who flew my last ship."

"You know what they say he was!"

"I know what the rumors on Omega were."

"They weren't rumors! I heard it from Ruegar Hannix himself. He was here!"

"And I don't suppose that after losing his job he had any agenda in telling you his story, right, Avi? Besides, look at the rest of the crew who were here when it happened. They don't have any issues with Kam. I know Roberta thinks quite highly of him."

"She was probably getting it on the side. Just because you want a piece of her and haven't gotten the nerve up even to ask her to meet you for a cup of coffee…"

Weiss flushed slightly at the not inaccurate although incredibly crude assessment of his attraction to his crewmate.

"…doesn't mean that she wasn't taking advantage of the cyprian before the captain staked his claim. Hannix said the whole crew was tapping that."

"I also know," Weiss continued as if Stasi hadn't spoken, "that I don't want people judging ME based on what I've done in the past, and I think you need to give him the same benefit of the doubt. You don't have to be his best friend—"

Stasi snorted. Weiss continued. "but if you pursue this vendetta, the only person who's going to get hurt is you." Picking up his plate, he stood and walked away from the table.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4--Intermezzo

"_**It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."**_

**--James Thurber**

* * *

James Smeed lowered his book and started out at the passing stars. Why it was that hardly any of the crew ever came up to the observation deck was beyond his comprehension. It was so beautiful. And since he'd added a couch at the captain's request, it had become the perfect place to read. On the rare occasions he had time to sit. Today he'd brought _Heart of Darkness_ from Jack's library. It was a personal favorite, a book he'd read over and over. Most people who knew the grizzled spacer would be astounded to know how well read he was, but then most people who knew the spacer hadn't spent more than thirty years living cheek to jowl with Jack Harkness. Jack often talked about authors like Joseph Conrad as if he'd known them personally, which brought their works alive, even centuries later.

The observation deck had always been a place he and Jack had come, singly and together, to talk, to read, to watch the stars, to be. He remembered standing in it as little more than a boy, when Jack was considering purchasing the beat up old ship that would soon be rechristened The Bonny Welshman. Smeed'd looked out the windows at the hot, dusty landing pad below, the port busy with scurrying labors, and had felt Jack come up behind him, wrap his arms around his chest in a hug, and rest his chin on Smeed's shoulder.

"Think about it, Jimmy. You and me, standing here, looking out at the stars, heading off on one adventure after another…" Smeed'd leaned back into the captain then, enjoying the intimacy, enjoying the vision.

"Sounds like fun, Jackie."

And it had been, for the most part. They'd not lasted long as lovers, but the affection lingered and their friendship grew. They made a good team. Even as a young man, James had been as steady and grounded as Jack was mercurial and impetuous. Jack dreamed the dreams, James sweated the details. Not that Jack was unreliable; he was anything but, yet sometimes—_okay, a lot of the time_—James got the sense that he was biding time, waiting for something, instead of living his life day-to-day. As if he knew something that put the threats they faced into some other context, and it shifted his focus. James never asked, Jack never volunteered.

Jack could be frustrating, he could be exasperating, but the bottom line was, things really were a lot more fun when he was around.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 –Intermezzo

_**All great achievements require time.**_

**--Maya Angelou**

* * *

Kam registered almost subconsciously when the captain strode onto the bridge. It was nearing the end of shift, and Jack had left the bridge in Kam's hands about three hours ago. The night had been fairly uneventful. Kam had learned how to maneuver around the magnetic ebbs and flows in that part of space despite the Welshman's occasionally touchy sensors, so while he had to stay on his toes, the ship's course had been straight and steady. But with Jack's return, the air subtly changed. It wasn't just Jack's "51st century pheromones" either. It was as if the air got fresher, as if there were a sudden charge of ozone. Kam almost always could _feel _when Jack was around.

Harkness strolled across the bridge to stand behind the pilot, resting a casual hand on Kam's shoulder.

"Anything to report, Mr. Anders?"

"It's been an uneventful shift, Captain."

Jack nodded and casually addressed his bridge crew.

"Good. In another week or so, it might just get a bit more exciting, so enjoy it now." He leaned down and whispered in his pilot's ear. "For now, I prefer that our excitement primarily takes place off shift. I have something planned for you, so no dallying getting back to the cabin for breakfast, hear?"

Kam blushed and nodded decisively once.

"Yes, Captain."

From across the bridge, An Cho kept stared determinedly at her computer screens, while at his own station Avi Stasi watched the exchange and glowered.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6—Intermezzo

_**Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together**_

_**in the same direction.**_

--**Antoine de Saint Exupery**

* * *

Kam woke suddenly, immediately aware that he was alone in the narrow bed. He'd fallen asleep wrapped tight in Jack's arms after a series of games that largely involved Jack and him feeding each other fruit, cheese and pastries in assorted ways. It had been playful, exciting, frustrating. Restrained to just this side of sex. The wrong side. _Finally_, he thought to himself, _I find someone I actually WANT to have sex with, and he doesn't want to have sex with me_.

A glance at the timepiece in the office showed him that he'd been asleep for about two hours.

He never woke with Jack. Never. It was one of the things that worried him most. He'd shared Jack's quarters, shared Jack's bed for more than a month now, and yet never had Jack made any kind of move beyond kisses and cuddling.

And that scared the living daylights out of him. Because if Jack DIDN'T want him that way, then sooner or later, Jack wasn't going to want to have him around at all. Probably sooner. And while Kam tried to convince himself that whenever Jack did finally tire of him, he'd deal with it, the reality was he didn't know how he'd survive.

Slipping out of bed, he made his way to the doorway to the sitting room. Jack was on the settee, paperwork (_who, for god's sake, still did 'paperwork' on PAPER?!?)_ spread out across the coffee table. Kam was trying to be quiet, but something alerted Jack to his presence. The older man turned to look at him, a sweet smile on his face.

"Hey, Kam, why aren't you sleeping?"

Kam shrugged. Telling Jack the truth, "I can't sleep without you there," didn't seem like the best strategy when he was worrying about being too clingy.

Jack held his hand out to Kam.

"Well, come on over here, then. We'll go back to bed in a few minutes. Want some hot chocolate?"

Kam made as if to move to the hot water pot, but Jack stopped him with a shake of his head.

"No, Kam. You come sit here. I'll get the drinks."

He waited until the younger man was settled in on the settee, a throw wrapped around his shoulders, before moving to make their drinks. Mildly concerned about Kam's sleeplessness, he added a healthy slug of peppermint schnapps to each mug, then moved back to the couch and, handing Kam his drink, putting his own on the table, he pulled the boy into him, lightly feathering kisses on his head.

"Shhhh, Kam. Sip your drink, relax here. Let me finish what I'm working on, then we'll go back to bed."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7–Intermezzo

_**Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.**_

**--Maya Angelou**

* * *

An Cho headed down to the engine room, as directed by the captain. Tolbert needed an extra hand, and since the communications officer wasn't currently in high demand, she'd gotten the assignment. She didn't mind, she quite liked Roberta, and anything that took her away from the bridge and Kamden Anders was a bonus. She couldn't keep her eyes off of his wrists; even though they were all but scar free, she knew what had once been there, and that knowledge made her stomach ache.

For the most part the help Tolbert needed consisted of handing her tools and holding things as the engineer climbed in, under and around engine parts.

"I appreciate you doing this, An. I could have asked Buddy, but I figured if there was someone available on nights, I'd let him sleep."

"No problem. It was nice to have an excuse to get off of the bridge." She paused. "Do you think there's any way I could arrange to get switched to the day shift?"

Tolbert stopped and looked at her in surprise. She didn't know Cho well, but hadn't gotten the impression she was unhappy with her job.

"You have a problem working with Captain Harkness?"

"What? No, he's fine. I mean, he flirts a little, but he flirts with everyone. I don't think he means anything by it."

"Well, if not Harkness…"

Cho shook her head.

"I shouldn't have said anything. Can you forget I mentioned it? Please? It's nothing. Really."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8–Intermezzo

_**You come to love not by finding the perfect person, **_

_**but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.**_

**--Sam Keen**

* * *

Lachlan McLean put the finishing touches on the food for the day shift lunch. Breakfast had just ended, and he had Kam's birthday dinner to put on in the evening. Most of the prep work was done, and Roberta and Anna were going to set up the room, but he wanted everything to go perfectly; it was going to be a busy night, and he needed to get some rest.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected when he'd signed on to the Welshman, but whatever it had been, it wasn't what he'd encountered. Working on Omega, he's seen the crews that came on and off when the ship passed through. Not groups he'd want to spend six months with. But when Pete Davies had come by the café at the end of shift, finding McLean with fresh grease burns stinging his arms and asked for a cup of coffee, Lachlan had sat down with him to get off his feet for just a moment.

"So, Lach, when you were talking about getting off the station a couple of months ago, were you serious about that, or was it just the beer talking?"

They'd run into each other in a pub a few months back, tossed down a couple of brews and idly chatted. Today though, Pete's question seemed serious, directed. And Lach's arms were killing him.

"Why? You got a job?"

"Might have. You interested?"

"Might be. What's the deal?"

"Jack Harkness just kicked six men off the Welshman."

"Yeah, I heard. Four of them even survived."

"He's looking to replace them." But Lach had already been shaking his head.

"The Welshman? You've gotta be kidding. Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire!"

But now it was Pete shaking his head.

"I don't think so, Lach. I think there's a real change going on on that ship. I've known James Smeed for a lot of years. He's a good man. This is the first time he's ever asked me to help him put together a crew. I know it's asking a lot, but if you take a leap of faith, it might be the change you've been looking for."

"The Welshman doesn't even carry a cook, does it?"

"Not yet."

The days had been long, but so far Lach didn't regret signing on with the beat up ancient salvage ship. Davies had been right—the current crew had nothing in common with the rogues Lach had come to associate with the ship. Smeed had been everything Pete had said—fair, even handed, a good manager. He'd been given free rein in the mess, and the stores and equipment had been a pleasant surprise. Plus the coffee machine made the best coffee he'd had in a long time. Figuring out the best rotations both for feeding the crew and getting some downtime for himself had taken a little maneuvering, but he was free to set his own schedule. And the biggest surprise had been the captain.

Lach had seen Harkness a couple of times on Omega, so he already knew the guy was gorgeous, and attractive. On the station, he'd never been close enough to learn how good he smelled, but that was just a bonus. If it weren't for Kam Anders, Lach certainly would have been willing to suffer the consequences of being labeled Captain's pet for the pleasure he was certain an affair with Harkness would represent. But Jack Harkness was no longer available; that had become obvious the moment Lach had seen him standing side-by-side with Kam at the "welcome aboard" reception. And he supposed that was all for the best, because if he'd been messing around with Jack, he might never have noticed Kai Jennings, and that would have been a tragedy. Because Lach was certainly enjoying noticing Kai. And he thought maybe Kai was just beginning to notice him too.

With one last wipe of a counter surface, Lach headed for his quarters, to try and get some sleep before the big bash…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9–Intermezzo

_**The making of friends, who are real friends, **_

_**is the best token we have of a man's success in life.**_

**- Edward Everett Hale**

* * *

Jack Harkness ambled into his first officer's office with two cups of coffee, finding his friend reviewing crew efficiencies on his pad. Placing Smeed's coffee on the desk by his right hand, the Captain relaxed into the comfortable chair across from Smeed.

"Just a sec, Jackie," Smeed said absently, not looking up.

"Take your time, Jim." He lounged comfortably, waiting. After a few minutes, Smeed put the pad aside.

"Decent shift, Jack?"

"Same old, same old. What do you think, Jimmy? Another week?"

"Maybe a week to get to the area, three or four days to pick up the signal, another to find the ship."

Jack nodded.

"And then, who knows, eh, Jim?"

Smeed shrugged and took a large draught of his coffee.

"Kam have any idea about the party?"

"I don't think so. Hasn't even mentioned that it's his birthday. He was still sleeping when I left, but he should be up soon. Otherwise, I'll have to wake him."

Smeed eyed him carefully, thoughtfully.

"You know, Jackie, when you told me this relationship was different, I didn't believe you."

Jack's lips curled up into a small smile.

"I noticed."

"But I was wrong. It is obviously different. You're different. I've never seen you like this, not even when we were together. Not even when you're around Henry. And it's nice. Anyhow, I apologize. I should have believed you."

"You know, Jim, even though you didn't believe it was going to be different, you stuck around, helped me, supported me, tried to make sure I wasn't going to hurt Kam. And it seems to me giving your friend the benefit of the doubt is worth a lot more than going along when you think he's right. So thank you."

"S'all right. I seem to remember you backing my plays a time or two." He glanced at the time piece on the wall.

"You better get going, Jackie. Can't have the guest of honor late to his own dinner."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10–Intermezzo

"_**Go after her. Kiss her goodbye. Anything can happen tomorrow."**_

_**--Torchwood "Captain Jack Harkness"**_

* * *

Jack came into his quarters and found Kam sitting quietly, staring at three paintings laid out across the coffee table. He seemed to be shaking. Jack's chest seized at the sight. Hearing him enter, Kam looked up at him, tears welling.

"Kam?"

"I'm sorry, Jack, I didn't know what they were. I was looking for something and came across the tubes. I was curious…" he waited, unsure how angry his lover would be at this invasion of his privacy.

Jack quietly slid next to Kam on the couch and put an arm around his shoulders, pulling the younger man against him as he gazed at the three paintings.

"I… I didn't mean to go snooping," Kam bit his lip nervously.

"Shhh…you didn't go snooping. You live here too, remember?"

The younger man swallowed, nodded, but just barely. "That's your Welshman, isn't it? Ianto?" It wasn't really a question.

"Yes." Jack answered simply. The top painting was the one Henry had given him on Omega, of a casually dressed Ianto standing against a sea wall, a red UNIT beret in his hands, a small smile on his lips. The other two he'd found left in the sitting room after Henry's last visit to the Welshman. One was a group portrait, painted in the Hub, done not long after Jack's return from the year that wasn't. Gwen, Owen and Tosh stood around Jack and Ianto. Myfanwy glided overhead. The last was a painting of just Jack and Ianto, standing on top of a roof in the night, Jack behind Ianto, the younger man wrapped in his arms and his coat. But their respective gazes weren't on the view. Ianto was turned slightly towards Jack, his eyes on the captain. Jack's own attention was entirely on the man in his arms. They could have been the only two people on earth, and the love they felt for each other glowed out of their eyes. Titanium bands glinted dully on each man's left fourth finger.

"He was very handsome."

"He was beautiful," Jack couldn't help the tightness in his throat. "But I buried him a long time ago, Sweetheart." The word slipped out unbidden; it made Kam look up at him, startled. Jack brushed his lips across the younger man's forehead. "I loved him," he said honestly because Kam deserved his honesty. "But I… I walked away from that life."

"Where was this?" He indicated the portrait of Ianto.

Jack shrugged. "Henry painted it. I'm not sure if he had the real Cardiff Bay in mind or not."

"Cardiff Bay?"

"Cardiff is a city. In Wales. On Earth."

Kam's breath hitched in his throat. "You… you're from Earth?" Very few people stuck out in the fringes had ever even been to Earth, let alone been born there.

Jack shook his head. "I was born somewhere else. But I lived there for a long time. A very long time ago."

"It's so odd," Kam said softly. "That's not me. I mean, I look completely different from the man in these paintings. But I remember this…" He pointed at the rooftop painting. "I remember being held in your arms, the ring on my finger; I remember the cool wind off of the ocean, and the faint twinge of sea water on the air, plus," he paused, thinking, "I can smell Chinese food." Jack studied the painting. Neither the nearby ocean nor the fragrant Chinese restaurant which had been located in the building were depicted in the painting.

"What do you mean, you 'remember' it?" His voice was still equally soft, without even a hint of the anger Kam had feared.

"I've dreamt of being there, in your arms. And," he moved to the group portrait, "I dream of her." He pointed at Myfanwy. His correct identification of the pterodactyl's gender did not escape Jack's notice.

"What about the people?"

"I get a warm feeling in my belly when I look at them, but I don't recognize…"

"So, you dream about Myfanwy, but you don't remember Tosh, Owen or Gwen. Boy, would knowing that have pissed off Gwen!" he mused with a smile.

"She was our pet!"

"That she was."

While Ianto was alive, Myfanwy had never really warmed to anyone else. Sure, Abby bribed her with chocolate, and the pterodactyl hadn't been dumb. She knew a sucker when she met one. But she'd never let anyone other than Ianto touch her. When Ianto died, that had changed. Drawn together by their shared grief, Jack and Myfanwy had come to an understanding, and late at night, she would come down to him, leaning against him, welcoming his caress, tolerating his tears. Myfanwy had outlived Ianto by almost fifty years. Jack left Torchwood 3 the day she died, although he had continued to serve as a liaison between Torchwood, UNIT and various world governments for a few more decades, until the Dalek invasion in the mid 22nd century. He'd long since lost enthusiasm for the job, but had been determined to keep his promise to Ianto to watch over their pet, and as most apartments had "no pterodactyls" policies and limited air space, he'd stayed on. He'd been with her in her nest, her head nestled softly in his lap when she breathed her last breath. _Just as Ianto would have wanted._

"Do you miss him?" Kam whispered. Jack's arms tightened around him.

"I'm not sure how to answer that. Of course I miss him. I'll miss him forever. I'll love him forever. But there are times when this feels SO familiar. I know that you are not Ianto. I don't love you because I think you're him. But there's been a hole in my heart for five hundred years, Kam, and suddenly it's not there any more."

Kam turned in Jack's arms and kissed him fiercely.

"I've just stopped trying to figure it out, Jack. I don't know why you've been in my dreams my whole life, and I know you aren't exactly that perfect hero who kept me company through all of the worst times, but neither am I able to separate you, and that's okay with me. Do you think you could do the same? Accept that they are us, and not us? I keep wanting to call you 'Cariad', it feels so natural to me, but I don't want to upset you or…"

"Shhhh, Kam. You can call me whatever you want. I've been calling you 'Cariad' in my mind almost since I met you. But I didn't want you to think…" A small paper-wrapped object on the corner of the table caught his eye. "Kam, what is that?"

"Oh, I forgot! It was jammed into one of the tubes. I was going to give it to—"

He paused, aware Jack was no longer listening. The older man had reached out and unfolded the paper to reveal a small platinum disk on a chain. Pressed into it was a honeycombed design in the shape of a 'T'.

A note was written on the paper, in the most beautiful long hand Kam had ever seen.

"I thought you might want this back."

"That's beautiful! What is it? Where did these paintings come from?"

"Henry painted them. He says it helps him remember the people he wants to." Jack answered distractedly, his attention on the chain he held in his hand. He paused, then gave himself a mental shake and, focusing on Kam, continued. "This," he held up the shiny ornament, "is something I gave Henry a very, very long time ago." _Paris, the roaring twenties, escaping Torchwood for awhile, falling in love, draping the talisman around Henry's neck…_

Oblivious to Jack's musings, Kam turned his attention back to the paintings.

"It won't bother me if you want to put them up," he told the older man.

But Jack shook his head. "I think it would raise too many questions if anyone else saw them. It's not a good era to be attracting people's attention, raising questions. But you're welcome to look at them any time you want. Now, what do you say we get dinner before change of shift?"

Kam nodded, rolling the paintings carefully back up. He slid them into the tubes. "I really didn't mean to go snooping," he apologized again.

"There is no where on this ship you aren't allowed to go. Nothing you're not allowed to look at."

The younger man looked up at him, as if unable to believe… Jack slipped the chain around his neck.

"Kam, I trust you."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11–Intermezzo

"_**A smiling face is half the meal."**_

**--Proverb**

* * *

The main lights were dimmed in the mess, little twinkly lights and flameless candles illuminating the room in their place. Tables were set with dark blue cloths—Jack was quite sure he didn't want to know how or where the good doctor had come up with those—shiny silverware and gleaming plates. The rich, thick scent of chicken in a bubbling gravy wafted through the room.

"Jack," Kam whispered, wide eyed, "what is this?"

Jack leaned over and whispered back softly into his ear.

"I think it's a birthday dinner for you, Cariad. And don't look at me like that. You have Dr. Raynor, Roberta Tolbert and Lachlan to thank. They've been working on this for awhile now."

"But—" he turned to face his lover, his eyes wide, his expression perplexed, "why?"

Jack leant back over and whispered again. "They like you, Kam. They wanted to do something to celebrate your birthday. To let you know that it matters to them that you're here. It's one of the things friends do."

Buddy Garrison broke away from the group he'd been chatting with to approach Jack and Kam.

"Captain," he greeted Jack with friendly respect, then turned to Kam with a smile.

"Mr. Anders, I just wanted to wish you a 'Happy Birthday' and thank you for being the reason our little entertainment committee put together this bash."

Kam responded with an equally genuine grin. His initial impression of the day shift engineer had been reinforced by every interaction he'd had with him since, and he was looking forward to actually getting to know him better. Being on opposite shifts provided very few opportunities to interact.

"Thanks, Buddy, but how…" He glanced over at Jack. Buddy was supposed to be manning the engine room.

Jack winked at him.

"We're covering shifts with skeleton crews for the next couple of hours. We wanted everyone to have the opportunity to come to the party."

Kam's eyes widened in surprise as the significance of the situation sunk in.

"This is really a birthday party? For _me_?"

"You bet," Buddy responded instead of Jack. "And I've saved places for you and the Captain at my table, right over there, next to Anna and Roberta…"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12--Intermezzo

_**Some day when I'm out of sight**_

_**Travel far but travel light!**_

_**Stalk the turtle on the log,**_

_**Watch the heron spear the frog,**_

_**Find the things you only find,**_

_**When you leave your bag behind;**_

_**Raise the sail your old man furled,**_

_**Hang your hat upon the world!**_

_**--E.B. White "Apostrophe to a Pram Rider"**_

* * *

Kam burrowed himself against Jack as soon as he'd joined him on the settee.

"Thank you, Jack!" he told him breathlessly.

Jack chuckled softly.

"I take it Dr. Raynor's surprise was a success."

"I've never had a party before!" Kam nearly gushed. It had been a perfect event—chicken with dumplings, which brought tears to his eyes and memories of his mother to the fore of his thoughts; pineapple upside down cake that melted on his tongue. _Who knew there was a way to improve on pineapple?_ The room had been pretty and festive, and all of the crew had seemed to be in a good mood, seemed to be enjoying the food, and to be glad to have him there. Virtually every member of the crew came by at some point, never making a big deal of it, but stopping to say "hello" to him and to Jack, to wish him a Happy Birthday and to thank the doctor and Tolbert for organizing the dinner. Lachlan had stopped to make sure that Kam was enjoying the meal, but the young pilot had gotten so choked up he'd been unable to ask how on earth the chef had ever known to make chicken and dumplings.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. You know we're due on the bridge before too long, but before we go, I have one more thing for you. Wait here for just a minute…"

He slipped into the bedroom and returned with a small wrapped package.

"It isn't much," he cautioned, seeing Kam's most wide-eyed expression for the second time that evening.

"You got me a present!?!" Kam exclaimed. What the present contained was completely immaterial to him at that point. He'd never received any gift before, much less one in pretty wrapping with a bow.

"It's so beautiful! Do I have to open it?"

"Only if you want to know what's inside, Silly."

"It feels like a book."

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Open it already, would ya?!?"

Very carefully, Kam eased the wrapping off of the book. Jack itched to grab it from him and rip the paper off, but restrained himself, letting his enjoyment of Kam's clear beguilement with the concept of receiving a gift temper his impatience.

Kam finished unwrapping and eyed the book curiously.

"I've never heard of this book," he told Jack.

Jack took the ancient volume from him reverently and opened it carefully.

"_Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_. It's an old book, Kam, almost as old as the Oz books. It's a wonderful story of danger and adventure, heroes and bravery, witches and wizards. I know you're working your way through Baum's series, but I thought I might read _this_ out loud to you." Kam's eyes glowed with excitement.

Jack hadn't really been looking for a gift for Kam as he'd shopped for clothes and supplies on Omega, but when he spotted the book in the corner of a dusty stall, he absolutely had to get it. He knew the adventures of the young orphan who discovers that he's actually a wizard would captivate the man-child who had lived through so much, and yet in some ways experienced so little, who was learning how to make his way through the world. The better he'd gotten to know Kam, the deeper he'd fallen in love with him, the more excited he'd become about giving him the book, reading him the story, sharing the adventure with him.

"When we get back from shift, will you read to me?"

"Absolutely, Cariad. Absolutely."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13–Intermezzo

_**Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.**_

**--Josh Billings**

* * *

"Captain, a word?"

Harkness was making his "nightly" dayshift rounds when Buddy Garrison called to him from the engine room. _What is this, an epidemic_? he thought as he made his way into the hot room, redolent of grease and hot metal.

"How are you, Mr. Garrison?"

His greeting earned him a wide smile.

"Just fine, Cap'n. I have a favor to ask of you, though."

Jack arched an eyebrow in question.

"I've been looking around the ship, and talking to Mr. Smeed, and I think that the number five storage room would make a pretty decent gym. There's not much in it now, and Mr. Smeed said I should talk to you, but that he though with our current salvage mission, we could probably do without it. I thought maybe rig up a hoop for some one-on-one basketball, a couple of the guys and I could build some weight machines when we're off shift. Maybe put a card table or something, so it could also serve as a rec room. What do you think? I hear you're not a bad guy on the backboards yourself…"

"It's been awhile since I've played, but I wouldn't mind teaching Kam some one-on-one," he agreed with a smile. "If Mr. Smeed thinks it'll work, it's fine with me."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14--Intermezzo

_**I think it's realistic to have hope. One can be a perverse idealist and say the easiest thing: 'I despair. The world's no good.' That's a perverse idealist. It's practical to hope, because the hope is for us to survive as a human species. That's very realistic.**_

_**--Studs Terkel**_

* * *

The mess was empty except for Avi Stasi when Kam stopped by to pick up a couple of cups of coffee. It was between meal times, so McLean was away.

Although he and Stasi were on the same shift, the salvage expert didn't generally serve on the bridge, so Kam had not gotten to know him well. And he was one of the few crewmembers Kam didn't actually remember talking to at his party. Stasi and An Cho.

"Mr. Stasi," Kam greeted him civilly, turning then to the coffee machine where he started to prepare two cups mugs full of hot, strong (and in Jack's case, very sweet) coffee.

"You his coffee boy as well as a convenient fuck, Service Provider?" The words were growled from just behind him. Kam felt his heart drop. Just when he was feeling on top of the world, like he had the possibility of living a normal life. He'd been such a fool to think that this was all over. The nightmare of his past was always going to hang over his head.

"Is there something I can do for you, Stasi?" Kam replied evenly.

"Oh, I'd think there might be several things you could do for me, Doxy. I heard lots about you from Ruegar Hannix." He stalked towards the younger man with a swagger. "I hear you're quite good on your knees…"

Kam's refusal was drowned out by a voice from the doorway.

"Mr. Stasi, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Both men's heads swiveled . Anna Raynor stood in the entry, looking like an avenging angel.

"Mr. Anders and I were just having a friendly conversation," he replied easily, casually.

"Didn't look that friendly from here," she replied with an icy voice. Stasi shrugged.

"Guess I can't help your misinterpretation, Ma'am. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm due to meet someone… I'll see you later, Anders, when you don't have a girl around to fight your fights for you," and he sauntered out the doorway, pushing past the medic.

"Kam?" she stepped towards him. "You okay?"

He threw her a frightened look, but Raynor couldn't tell whether he was more disturbed by what had happened or that she had witnessed it.

"I—please, don't tell Jack."

Her eyes softened.

"Kam, I work for him. And this doesn't fall under the blanket of patient confidentiality. It's not something you revealed to me; it's something I observed, outside of the purview of my job. I can't pretend not to have witnessed what I saw here. Besides, he needs to know."

"Please, Anna?"

"I'm sorry, Kam. Unless you want to tell him?"

His gaze dropped to the ground, and he shook his head.

"I can't not report this then."

"That's okay. You have to do what you have to do. I just—he's going to think I can't take care of myself, can't stand up…"

"It looked to me like you were doing quite well. I heard you tell him 'no'."

"But I was so scared! And ashamed…"

"Don't you know bravery is standing up when you ARE scared? If you're not scared, there is no bravery. Stupidity, maybe, but not bravery."

"Is this going to last my whole life? Are people always going to think they have the right…"

She moved close enough to lay a hand on his shoulder and squeeze gently.

"Not always, Kam, and not most people. But I can't promise you he's going to be the last asshole you run up against."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15--Intermezzo

_**I don't oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. **_

_**What I am opposed to is a rash war.**_

**--Barack Obama**

* * *

"Mr. Smeed? A word?" Upon reflection, Anna had decided to honor Anders' wish and not go to the Captain with her account of the confrontation in the mess. But neither could she let it pass unreported. She decided the first officer probably was the appropriate person to approach in any case.

"Dr. Raynor? What can I do for you?" She stepped into his office and indicated the door. "Mind?"

He raised an eyebrow, his interest now piqued. "Not at all."

She hit the pressure plate, sliding the door shut.

"I observed something earlier today that I thought you should know about."

Smeed waited patiently.

"Kam Anders was in the mess getting a cup of coffee. I heard Avi Stasi demand sexual favors. He was threatening Anders."

"What did Anders do?"

"He said 'no'. Stood his ground."

Smeed sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Jack is going to go ape shit," he moaned softly. "It's going to take everything I've got to keep him from tossing the guy out the airlock."

"Kam's never going to get past all of this if Jack keeps taking care of anyone who threatens him."

"You know that, and I know that, but…"

"Mr. Smeed, if anyone can make him see the truth of it, it'd be you."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16--Intermezzo

"_**Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense."**_

_**--J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone**_

* * *

"Kam, what happened today with Stasi?" Jack asked casually halfway through dinner. He glanced up at the younger man and saw him go white.

"I asked her not to tell you," he muttered. "It was nothing."

"Who is 'her'?" Jack asked, now genuinely curious. All he'd heard from Smeed was that Kam had had some sort of confrontation with one of the salvage experts he'd picked up on Omega.

"Dr. Raynor."

"Dr. Rayor didn't say anything to me, Kam. Smeed mentioned that you'd had a little trouble. That's all. Now, what happened, Cariad?"

Kam looked up at him, a desperate fear on his face. "Jack, are people always going to think that they have the right, that they can demand…"

Harkness was stuck with a sudden understanding of what had taken place in the mess hall.

"Cariad," he asked with extreme gentleness, "did he hurt you? Did he—"

Tears were now running down Kam's cheeks.

"No. He said that he wanted, that I had to—but I said 'no' and then Dr. Raynor was there, and he left. He said, he said he'd see me later…"

Now understanding his first officer's insistence that this was a matter he would deal with himself, and that Jack needed to stay out of—_Jim's afraid I'm going to kill the guy_--the captain reached out across the table and took his hand. Squeezing tightly, he asked, "Kam? Why didn't you tell me what happened? Why did I have to hear about it from Smeed?"

Kam's eyes fell to the floor. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment on the face of his real life Dashing Hero.

"I don't want you to think—"

"To think what, Cariad?"

"To think that I'm weak."

Jack stared at him for a moment, wordless in his astonishment. The long silence drove Kam to glance up, bracing himself for the disgust and disappointment he feared on Jack's face. Instead he found bright blue eyes teaming with tears and love.

"Kam, do you think I don't know what you had to go through to survive in the Red Houses? Do you know how few people EVER try to escape, much less succeed? And the things you had to endure on MY ship, under MY nose? Not to mention just putting up with ME. Believe me, none of these is the act of a coward. There are a lot of adjectives I might use to describe you; '_weak_' is not one of them. For you to have come through all of that, and still be willing to risk your heart, to offer it to me? That makes you one of the bravest people I've ever met!"

Anders started to weep openly, and, dinner forgotten, Jack pulled him up out of his seat and propelled him to the settee where he wrapped him tightly in his arms.

"I was so scared, Jack, and so angry! That he thought he could…" Jack interrupted by kissed him deeply then laughed softly. Kam looked up at him in astonishment. _Was Jack laughing at him_?

"What?"

"I was just thinking how far you've come in the last month. You're not the same boy who sincerely told me that 'you can't rape a Service Provider,' and that makes me happy."

Kam thought about what Jack had said.

"I don't feel the same either," he said sincerely. "I feel…"

"How, Cariad?"

Kam's answer was so soft that Jack almost missed it.

"I feel like I matter."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17--Intermezzo

_**Behavior is what a man does, not what he thinks, feels, or believes.**_

**--Emily Dickinson**

* * *

"Mr. Stasi, a word with you, please?"

Stasi looked up from where he was assisting Roberta Tolbert on the ship's engine to meet the first officer's glowering glare.

"Sir?"

"My office, Mr. Stasi. Now."

It might not have been possible to slam the automatic doors on the Welshman, but Smeed hit the panel that closed it hard enough to give the same effect.

"Tell me what happened between you and Mr. Anders earlier today in the mess, Mr. Stasi," the first office growled.

"Anders complained about me? What did the little klute say?"

"First, I never want to hear that term cross your lips again, not while you serve on this ship. The complaint didn't come from Mr. Anders, and it never would have. He's not one to involve other people in his problems. Clearly if you believe otherwise, you don't know him very well, something you might spend some time thinking about. Having said that, I have two warnings for you, one professional and one personal. The professional one is this: Mr. Anders is a member of this crew, a respected and valuable member. On this ship, we do not tolerate harassment or intimidation of ANY member of the crew. If you persist in this behavior, you will be brought up on charges. On a personal level, if you hurt Kam Anders, I guarantee you that I won't have time to finish the paperwork on those charges before Jack Harkness puts you out an airlock. And frankly, I wouldn't dream of doing anything to stop him."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18–Intermezzo

_**Neither evil tongues, rash judgements,**_

_**nor the sneers of selfish men, **_

_**nor greetings where no kindness is, **_

_**nor all the dreary intercourse of daily life, **_

_**shall e'er prevail against us.**_

**--William Wordsworth**

* * *

"So, Stasi, what did Smeed want with you last night?" Roberta asked curiously when she ran into him in the showers after shift. They had the room to themselves. The salvage expert hadn't returned to the engine room after being pulled by the first officer. Tolbert could have used his help, but hadn't really needed it, and god knew keeping the Welshman's ancient engines humming took all of her time and then some most shifts, so she'd not tried to chase him down. But it hadn't kept her from wondering…

Stasi gave her a hard, hot look.

"The Cyprian took something I said the wrong way and went running to Smeed," he told her tightly. Getting called out on the carpet was one more wrong the little doxy had to answer for.

Tolbert looked at him in confusion, stunned by his statement. She'd not had much opportunity to got to know Stasi, but up until this point, she'd liked him well enough.

"The Cyprian? You mean Kam Anders? Why would you call him that?"

He looked at her, perplexed by her question.

"That's what he is."

"No, what he is is the pilot of this ship, and my friend. And he's no whiner. I have a lot of trouble picturing him going to Smeed to complain about anything. What did you say to him?"

Stasi, who had been meeting her gaze until that point, looked away, casting his eyes anywhere but on her.

"I might have suggested that—" but he couldn't finish the sentence. "It doesn't matter."

Unable to accept that anyone who KNEW Kam could maintain such an attitude toward him, Roberta looked him in the eye and began earnestly to explain how she saw her friend.

"Listen, Avi, I've served next to Kam for two months now, worked with him every day. He's a good guy, he's a hard worker, and he's a great pilot. Is your issue that he's involved with the captain?"

"Bet his knees got raw solidifying that deal…"

"It wasn't like that! I was on the bridge the first time they met. He was terrified when Harkness just talked to him. The captain was upset because we'd flown through a magnetic field that screwed up our electronics and tossed the Welshman around and I thought Kam was going to melt through the floor. Kam never went after the captain—if anything it was the other way 'round."

"Then how…"

"Kam got beaten up, badly. Broken ribs, the crap beaten out of him, really hurt. The captain found out about it, took him to the infirmary, wrapped his ribs, took care of him. I think that's when they got to know each other."

A leer entered Stasi's expression.

"You mean that's when they started—" but the horrified look on Tolbert's face stopped him mid-sentence.

"God, no! I told you, Kam had the crap beaten out of him. The captain was taking care of him. I mean they spent time together, talked, got to know each other." She paused and looked at him, with a soft smile on her face. "Have you seen them together? They're really very cute…"


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19–Intermezzo

_**This is nourishing, redemptive; we become less alone inside.**_

**--David Foster Wallace**

* * *

Anna Raynor noticed Mr. Smeed sitting at his corner table when she stopped by the mess for a cup of coffee. Funny, she'd never really been much of a coffee drinker, but these days it seemed as if she lived on the magic stuff. After chatting for a minute with Lachlin, she approached the first officer.

"Am I disturbing you?"

"No, Doc." He put away the pad he'd been working on, and indicated the seat opposite his. "Please, join me." He took a deep draught of his own java.

"Good, isn't it?" he commented, watching Raynor take her own sip.

"Addictive."

"I don't know what Kam did to the machine, but I sure hope it's permanent."

She looked at him curiously. The coffee had been consistently good since she'd arrived aboard the Welshman.

"That machine," he tilted his head in its direction, "has never made anything other than barely palatable swill. For thirty years. Kam tinkered with it, and now… The boy has the magic touch with coffee," he said simply.

She sipped again at the rich, hot liquid.

"I notice Mr. Stasi is still aboard the Welshman."

"For the moment, in any case."

He eyed the doctor thoughtfully. Prior to their interaction the previous day, he'd really not had any real contact with her since signing her on to the ship. They'd not had any significant injuries, and his regular pattern of moving between the bridge, the engine room and his office did not bring them into contact. He ate in the mess, but no one other than Harkness ever joined him there. And lately they'd been taking their daily tea—now usually coffee—more often in Jack's cabin than either office or the mess, as Jack liked being around when Kam awakened. Smeed didn't fraternize with the crew. But he knew Jack was impressed with the doctor, as he himself had been the day before. And even the fleeting nature of their occasional passings had not kept him from being aware of how beautiful she was. _Jack, Kam and Anna. What are the odds of having three such spectacularly attractive people on one tiny ship in the furthest reaches of space?_ Long, he was sure.

"Are you familiar with the Cygnus Atratus theory?" he idly mused, the words out of his mouth before he was even aware he was going to utter them.

"No. What is it?"

"It's something Jack told me about once. Cygnus Atratus is the scientific name of the Black Swan, a bird they have on Earth. But it only comes from certain parts of the world. In the rest of the world, swans are generally white. So there was this scientific debate in the part of the world where they had white swans over whether or not there could ever be a black swan. Most people said 'no' because they'd only seen white swans. But the thing about a debate like that is that you can't prove there are no black swans, no matter how many millions of white swans you see. But all it takes is one black swan to prove that there are."

Anna nodded her head in understanding, listening with rapt attention, her eyes gleaming.

"So, what's the theory?"

"There are a bunch of different versions, but the one that I like best is the one Jack told me. It says that we're pretty good at making statistical predictions when things are normal, ordinary, but that in extraordinary times our ability to predict gets very poor. We see more unusual outcomes, and should expect them. That unusual situations are not as rare as we think of them being. That we can't get better at predicting them, but that we can get better at recognizing that during those times, we're bad at making predictions." He paused, and looked deep into her eyes. "I don't know about the rest of the universe, but on this ship, these are extraordinary times."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20--Intermezzo

_**Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.**_

**--Emily Dickinson**

* * *

"It's been awhile since I found you up here."

Jack stood at the entrance to the observation deck, lazily eying Kam lounging on the couch, reading. The younger man lowered his book and looked over at the captain.

"I just wanted to be alone for awhile. Seemed like a good spot."

"Would you like me to leave?"

"What? Oh, no, I didn't mean alone away from you! Just—everyone else. I didn't want to go to the mess, or Buddy's rec room or…"

"Our quarters?"

Kam shrugged.

"Can't live my whole life in there."

Jack gestured towards the couch, and Kam moved over in invitation. Jack slid down next to him.

"So, Cariad, how are you? Really?"

Kam smiled at him.

"I'm good, Jack. Really. I'm okay."

"And yet…" He cast his gaze around the observation deck.

"I like it up here. I've always liked it up here. I like looking at the stars."

"Yeah, okay. I've always liked it up here too," Jack admitted. "But I'm a little concerned that you have a touch of cabin fever."

"This is a very small ship," Kam agreed.

"Okay, finish your chapter, then it's you, me and a basketball court…"

"Jack? What's 'basketball'?"


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21–Intermezzo

_**"Few can foresee whither their road will lead them, till they come to its end."**_

**--J.R.R. Tolkien**

* * *

"Knock, knock." Anna Raynor looked up from her desk to see the first officer leaning against the frame of the infirmary's open doorway. An unexpected frisson of pleasure shot through her. She'd found her thoughts wandering to the man repeatedly since sharing coffee with him the day before.

"Mr. Smeed," she said in surprise, "what brings you down to my little corner of the Welshman?"

He shifted awkwardly before answering.

"I was in the mess getting a cup of coffee, and I though I'd come by and see how you're settling in down here." He raised his hands, demonstrating the offering he'd brought. "I figured you might like some java. Got two cups…"

Her smile widened.

"Be still my heart!"

"If only I thought that smile was for my company instead of Kam's coffee," he sighed dramatically, then wondered once again what it was about this woman that so loosened his tongue.

"Can't I be happy about both?" she teased back. "Come on in, I'll give you the grand tour."

He straightened and ambled into the infirmary, looking curiously around.

"Wow! You've been busy!"

"Well, other than crew physicals, there hasn't been a lot to do besides clean and straighten. I do want to really haul everything out and reorganize completely, but I haven't gotten around to that yet."

"Well, let me know when you're ready, and I'll free up a crewman to help with the heavy lifting."

"Thanks. I'll take you up on that."

They fell into an awkward silence, Anna looking at Smeed, Smeed looking at everything except Anna. His gaze fell on the cups of coffee he held in each hand.

"Oh! I'm sorry! Here!" He abruptly held the full cup of coffee in his left hand out towards her.

"Milk and sugar, right?" he asked.

"You're very observant."

"An oblivious first officer wouldn't last very long on a salvage ship. Especially with the crews we've been hiring the last couple of decades. Had to sleep with one eye open with some of them aboard."

Anna gestured towards the chair that sat opposite her desk. Smeed sank into it as she slipped around and slid into her own chair.

"Why would you hire someone like that?"

He cleared his throat, trying to figure how to answer that question.

"Cheap labor, short term contracts, no questions, no relationships."

"Sounds horrible!"

"Well, if you don't mind me saying so, Doc, you wouldn't exactly have fit in with one of those crews." He paused, considering. "I suppose it was horrible sometimes. Mostly it was fine. It was Jack and me, and we just hired the bodies we needed to keep this old boy in space, to do the salvage. He picked the jobs, I dealt with the crew, we got 'er done."

"It's been you and Jack for awhile, then."

"Lotta years. We make a good team."

"I'm still not sure what to make of him," Anna mused, then flushed when she realized she'd actually said the words out loud.

Smeed raised an eyebrow, and initially the doctor thought he was responding to the fact of her artless confession, not, as turned out to be the case, to the substance.

"Jack's not hard to figure. He is what he seems to be." But he said it with a slight upward twitch of the corners of his mouth.

She grinned back at him.

"Exactly my problem."

His smile widened, then he started talking again.

"Jack is gorgeous, ingenious, resolute, cunning, fearless, charming, mercurial, provocative, ardent, compelling, seductive, and god, does he smell good! But mostly, he's a good man, and the best, most loyal friend anyone could ever hope for. If you're ever in a completely hopeless situation, Jack is the one guy you want standing right beside you."

"Quite the list."

"Not much to do out here in space other than read, especially if you spend much time with Jack. Have you seen his library? Anyhow, it's good for the vocabulary."

"And I would have guessed you'd be a man who answered questions with monosyllables."

He blinked at her, surprised.

"Usually I am."

She eyed him thoughtfully, suddenly more serious.

"You trust the captain."

"With my life. And then some." His reply was equally earnest. "Why? Is there a problem? Something I could help you with?"

"What? Oh, no, thanks, Mr. Smeed. I was just wondering…"

"Jim."

"What?"

"You're one of the three senior officers on this ship. Don't you think you can call me by my first name, at least when we're alone together?"

His stomach churned with an unexpected emotion when her easy smile returned to her face.

"I think I can do that, Jim, as long as you call me Anna."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22--Intermezzo

_**I will not play tug o' war.**_

_**I'd rather play hug o' war.**_

_**Where everyone hugs instead of tugs,**_

_**Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug,**_

_**Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins,**_

_**and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.**_

**--**** Shel Silverstein**

* * *

"Okay, Kam, THIS is a basketball." The men stood, stripped to their waists, in Buddy's gym. At the moment they had the place to themselves, but it had been an instant hit, and as they were just past shift change, they were sure to have company in a few minutes. There hadn't been enough space in the compartment for a full basketball court, but the half-court they'd wedged in was getting a lot of use.

Kam looked at him skeptically.

"I've never played any kind of sports, Jack."

"I know, Cariad," he said reassuringly, "but you're going to LIKE this one. And I promise, I won't cheat. At least not today."

_He cheats, he always cheats… _The long-forgotten words echoed through his head then faded. Jack brought himself back to the present.

"Okay, the rules are pretty simple. To score, this ball has to go down through that hoop. You get it through, your point. I get it through, my point. You can try to block the ball, but you can't touch the other guy. And you can't move both feet with the ball in your hands."

"So how do you move?"

"You have to bounce the ball. It's called dribbling. Watch." And he demonstrated dribbling down the court and making a layup.

"Jack! I'll never be able to do that!"

"Sure you will, but today we're just going to work on the basics."

Most of night shift drifted in while Jack showed Kam some basic drills, how to dribble, how to line up a shot… The room was warm, being near the engines, and they were focused on each other, working hard, sweating, laughing. Other crew members started working out on the machines. Kai Jennings and Lachlan McLean started sparring on a mat laid out for yoga and martial arts. Unnoticed by the basketball players, Avi Stasi entered with a group headed for the card table and a round of poker before bed. Stasi found it difficult keeping his mind on the game, however. His eyes kept drifting to the men on the basketball court, his mind wandering back to Tolbert's comment. _Have you seen them together? They're really very cute… _He certainly wasn't going to go that far, but he had to admit, there did seem to be something real about the pair, more than he expected. Affection, humor, friendship…

On the other side of the room, Anna Raynor was observing them just as closely, mentally weighing her own dilemma.

"Okay," Jack panted. "That's enough for today." He was hot and sweaty, Kam was absolutely drenched and exhausted, but exhilarated. He'd gotten to the point at which he could dribble reasonably and had made three—THREE!!!—baskets from the foul line. Seeing the doctor, who sent him a "got a minute?" look, Jack gave Kam a clap on the shoulder.

"All right, Kam, you hit the showers. I'll be up in a few minutes. Leave me some hot water, would you?" He walked to the sideline and picked up their shirts, flipping Kam's to the younger man, and slipping his own over his shoulders. Confused, Kam sent Jack a questioning look. Jack indicated the medic with a twitch of his head, Kam followed, spotted the doc and nodded.

"See you in a bit, then. And just you wait, old man. It won't be long until I wipe the court with you."

"Yeah, you wish!! See you soon, Cariad."

Kam headed out as Jack strode tiredly towards Raynor, a tired smile on his face.

"The kid ever played basketball before?"

His grin widened.

"Didn't know what the ball looked like."

"Oh, Sir, are you in trouble!" She grinned back at him.

He winked at her.

"I'll be all right. I cheat." He looked around. "You want to talk here or go to your office?"

"Actually, I just wanted to set a time to meet with you. I—I need to talk with you, Sir."

Jack eyed her curiously.

"How about an hour or so before the end of shift tonight? In my quarters? Is that soon enough?"

"That'll do fine, Captain. Thank you." She saw him glance at the door. "Go on, sir. If you hurry, maybe you can catch up with him."

Jack flashed her another wink.

"I'll see you at the end of night shift," and headed for his quarters.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23--Intermezzo

_**I swear by Apollo, Asclepius, Hygieia, and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, **_

_**all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgment, the following Oath…**_

_**I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment **_

_**and never do harm to anyone…**_

_**--**_**Hippocratic Oath**

* * *

Anna Raynor took a sip of her scotch and looked at Jack Harkness thoughtfully.

"You're asking a lot, sir."

"I recognize that, Doctor. I'm asking you to trust me.'

They were alone in the sitting room of the Captain's quarters, in a meeting the doctor requested, although Jack wasn't quite sure for what.

"I've trusted before, with better reasons than this, and it's not served me well."

"I've gotten that impression. I don't suppose it would help for me to tell you that our conversation won't go beyond this room."

"I have trouble believing that you wouldn't share what we say with Kam."

"Would you object to that? I'd like to share our conversation with Kam, but I won't if you don't want me to. I trust him to keep my confidences, but if you don't share my confidence, I'll respect that."

She sighed, and eyed him again.

"No, I trust Kam. I think you know, I trust Kam more than I do you."

"And yet, here we are, talking, at your request." He paused, then went on. "If you'd be more comfortable with him joining us…"

She flushed slightly

"Thank you, sir, but I think this is a discussion more appropriately handled between the captain and his medic, regardless of how much easier it would be on me personally if Kam where here. And Jim Smeed tells me that I can trust you, so…"

She sipped again at her drink, then continued.

"You took a chance on me, sir, offering me a position on your ship."

"I took a chance on Pete Davies. And you took a chance signing on."

"I took a chance on Pete Davies too. But I signed on with you. And you've been fair to me. So I think you deserve to know that my presence on my ship might cause you problems."

"Well, I agree--if that's the case, I should probably know about it, eh, Sailor?"

She eyed him again.

"I've had bad experiences trusting people before," she repeated.

"I can't offer you more than my assurances, and your own conclusions based on your observations and experiences."

He held her eye and after a long, long moment she nodded.

"I want to tell you."

"Then I'm happy to listen."

She took a deep breath.

"I'm a real doctor."

"I know, and if I didn't, your service on my ship would have clued me in."

"I went to medical school as directed by 'The Great and Bountiful Human Empire'."

The verbal quotations she placed around the designation were obvious to Harkness and he looked at her evenly.

"In another three centuries, the government will deserve that label. Until the civil war erupts."

She eyed him evenly.

"I'm never sure how to take statements like that from you."

"Seriously, unless you're likely to start running, screaming. Or to report me to government agencies."

"Neither of those would be my most likely responses."

"Then, Doc, treat my pronouncements about the future seriously."

She considered him thoughtfully, then nodded.

"Fair enough. I'm potentially putting my life in your hands, Sir. I deeply hope you deserve my faith. I went to medical school, as I told you, as directed by The Great and Bountiful Empire. I finished my training…" She looked at Jack, who nodded.

"You understand, I'm not from a core planet myself. I grew up on the periphery. But I went to med school and I played the game just as I was told I should, and I was set up in practice in an office—clean, efficient, white, easy."

She looked at Jack again, and he nodded.

"But on the way home from my nice office to my nice apartment, where I had absolutely everything I needed, I went past people in the street. People who were jobless, people who were homeless, people who were hungry. And I heard my government deny their existence. I heard my empire's own representatives say that we owe those people nothing. I just don't believe that. I won't believe that. People who are struggling need help!"

Now it was Jack's turn to study HER carefully.

"Not exactly the party line, Doc."

"Not exactly, no. So I heard about a medic who was running a free clinic, down in the abandoned service corridors, and I started going down in the evenings. They'd never had an actual physician before. And I brought them supplies. I wasn't stealing anything, but when things were being tossed out or medication expired, I'd collect them; some things I bought myself."

"I take it that pretty much all of that is illegal."

"Yeah, but I was careful, and I really didn't believe anyone would care about what I was doing with expired medication. I still don't think they really cared."

"So what happened?"

"I was engaged. My fiancé got jealous over the nights I was spending at the clinic. He turned me in, and I was charged with stealing from 'the Great and Bountiful Empire'. I hear he was handsomely rewarded." She paused and shuddered. "Do you know the penalty for stealing from 'the Great and Bountiful'?"

"Death."

She nodded. "They don't fool around in creating their perfect cookie cutter crime-less world. But the clinic had its supporters, and they managed to break me out and smuggle me onto a transport off world. I worked odd jobs and kept hopping rides further and further from the core planets. I lost everything—my career, my identity. And eventually I ended up on Omega."

"Wasn't it risky, opening a clinic on Omega?"

She shrugged.

"I didn't have a clinic, really. The word just went out that I'd take care of people who were sick or injured, and they'd track me down. No one really cares who sews up the leg of a spacer who got in a bar fight on the fridges of known space. But rumor has it there is a pretty big price on my head, and the penalties for aiding a fugitive are heavy. If someone turned me in, it could cost both of us dearly."

"I've had a price on my head a time or two myself. So far it's still attached to my neck. You worry about keeping my crew in good health, Doc, and let me worry about the rest. Trust me, please."

She studied him carefully, then slowly nodded her head once.

"I think I might at that."

They were still holding each other's gazes when the door to the sitting room slid open and Kam entered the room. Clearly surprised to find the doctor with Jack, he stopped short.

"Doctor Raynor. I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something? I can come back later."

The room's other occupants spoke simultaneously.

"Don't be silly, Cariad," Jack reassured him as he stood and held out a hand toward the younger man, while Raynor said, "No, Kam, we were just finishing."

Kam took Jack up on his invitation and stepped close to him. The older man pulled him into a one-armed embrace, and kissed him softly in welcome. It was the most demonstrative he'd been in front of a member of the crew, and Kam glanced over at the doctor shyly to gauge her response. She was watching them with an expression on her face he couldn't quite read, but she didn't seem disturbed or uncomfortable.

"We were having a drink, Kam," Jack continued. "Can I get you something?"

"I'll just get some coffee, thanks, Jack. Either of you like some?" He glanced at Raynor's glass. "Irish coffee maybe?"

The doctor stood as if to go.

"Really, I've got some things…"

"Doc, please," Jack interrupted. "Kam and I don't get a lot of company, and his Irish coffee is to die for. Why don't you stick around and have dinner with us?" He looked to his partner for confirmation and Kam vigorously agreed.

"Please stay, Dr. Raynor."

"If I have dinner with you, THEN will you start calling me Anna?" she asked pointedly. Kam looked at her carefully, then glanced at the door.

"Only when the door is shut," he answered, smiling at her.

"Deal."

Jack gave Kam a last squeeze around the shoulders, and a quick kiss on the forehead then stepped away from him and towards the door.

"I'll just let Lachlan know we'll be three for dinner, instead of two. Don't you two get into anything I can't join when I come back. Although, Doc, any time you're up for a threesome, you just let us know…"

Her mouth was still open when the door swished shut behind him. She turned to meet Kam's amused expression.

"I never know when to take him seriously and when not to!" she exclaimed. "He's told me to take his pronouncements about the future seriously, about things he could not possibly know, and I believe him. But then he says something like that, and…"

"I've come to believe that he's always serious," Kam responded. "I mean, I don't think that he makes stuff up, or issues invitations that he wouldn't be willing for people to take him up on, but he also understands that other people's mores and appetites are different from his own, and he doesn't hold that against anyone. He doesn't have any expectations, he just makes offers."

"Doesn't it bother you that he'd proposition me, right here, in front of you?"

"But he didn't do that, did he? He invited you to join US. And his original request was that if you and I get into something, it be something he'd be able to join. He's omnisexual, but he's not unfaithful."

"And it doesn't bother you that he'd invite someone else into your bed?"

"Well, first, I'm fairly certain that he's confident you won't take him up on it. But Anna," he stumbled over her name, but then went on, "you have to know that sex is different for me than I would assume it is for you. For years I've done anything anyone wanted, for anyone who could pay for it, and not a single one of those people wanted anything more from me than a stem and two holes, what I could do with my tongue and my fingers. Most didn't want to see my face. They just wanted me to fit into some fantasy of their own. I love Jack. I would do anything he wanted me to, with anyone." His eyes bored into hers, pleading her to understand.

"That's an awful lot of faith to give to someone with the reputation of Jack Harkness, no matter how great a lover he is."

"Jack's a good man, Anna. Really he is. But," and he flushed bright red before continuing his confession, "we're not lovers. Not yet."

Years of medical training had schooled Raynor to mask her reaction to startling revelations, but in this case she couldn't keep from staring at Kam in disbelief. Clearly Kam had no hang-ups about sex, and Harkness was known for taking anyone up on any opportunity any time.

"Why not?"

He shrugged then answered hesitantly.

"I keep offering. We sleep together, we cuddle, we kiss. But Jack says I'm not ready, that I need to heal. I told him you gave me a clean bill of health, but he says that's not what he's talking about. I think he's waiting for something, but I'm not sure what it is. I know he's attracted to me, and he's always doing so many little things to let me know that he loves me, but…"

"So, Kam, what do you want?"

"I want to make Jack happy."

"No, I meant, what do you want for you?"

He looked at her blankly.

"Kam, what is it that would make you happy?"

"I'm happy when Jack holds me and tells me that he loves me. I don't need any more than that."

And maybe, Raynor thought to herself, eyeing the man child who had lived through so much in his short years and yet was still so young in so many ways, that's what Jack's waiting for.

And her opinion of the Captain rose another five notches.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24–Intermezzo

…_**I was thinking about the moments of the past,**_

_**letting my memory rush over them like water**_

_**rushing over the stones on the bottom of a stream.**_

_**I was even thinking a little about the future, that place**_

_**where people are doing a dance we cannot imagine,**_

_**a dance whose name we can only guess.**_

**--Billy Collins "Nostalgia"**

* * *

That night it was Anna Raynor's story that pulled Jack up and out of bed once Kam had fallen into a peaceful sleep. Shift had been uneventful, so he'd been able to ponder that little niggling that had been bothering him since he'd heard it, although he'd not reached any sure conclusions. Certainly the story wasn't unique, and yet… The details seemed so familiar.

Jack might have officially left the employ of the Torchwood Institute when he moved from Earth in the 22nd century, but one never really left Torchwood, not without leaving one's memories behind, and there wasn't enough Retcon in the world to wipe out two or three millennia of personal history. Nor any chance in hell that with that many memories hidden, a trigger to one of them wouldn't come along sooner or later.

So Jack's ties to the organization, while tenuous, remained. Jack had to admit some pride in the way the organization had evolved. The values he'd imprinted on Torchwood 3, the Doctor's values, now permeated the entire organization. It had spread out through the universe, now far more under wraps than it had been in his day. The Great and Bountiful Human Empire would not exactly have been enamoured with the existence of a paramilitary organization standing up for human (and alien) rights, liberty and justice.

They'd divided up into smaller cells, teams, and spread throughout the empire, making small strikes on behalf of those who continued to work for the good of humanity, regardless of the species. Communications took place over secure and hidden hyperspace frequencies, using technology from the future. And Jack continued to monitor the communications. And sometimes act on tips he received.

But it seemed to him that there had been a communiqué…

Heading to his office, he secured the door behind him and tapped his wrist band to release a hidden compartment. Flipping through his logs, he pulled one out, glanced at it and slid it back into place, selecting another. This would have been, what? Eight years ago? Seven? Nine? He worked his way through the logs, not as systematically as Ianto or Tosh would have done it, but just as thoroughly. And three hours in, he found it.

"Torchwood 307. Successful extrication of Dr. Sara Gorman from TGBHE prison was without complications. Personnel have completed moving the clinic location deeper into the service corridors, well beyond the range of normal security sweeps. It is felt that maintaining Dr. Gorman within the protection of Torchwood carries an unreasonable risk of drawing the attention of security forces to our organization, so transport out of the central core and documentation supporting her new identity are being provided."

Nearly eight years ago. It had to be her. Jack wondered what the doc had had to do to survive those eight years. Just a speck of time in his own life, and yet every minute lived, suffered, survived at the same rate by everyone.

But he had to smile a little. Nice to know Torchwood was still on the side of the good guys.

He'd just slid the panel back into place after putting away the logbooks and released the electronic latch on the office door when he heard it open behind him.

"Hey, Jackie. What's got you prowling your office at this hour?"

He turned around to meet the friendly countenance of the man who had been his closest companion for the last three decades.

"Just couldn't sleep."

Smeed shook his head.

"I don't know how you do it, year after year, two or three hours of sleep a night, and always looking like you just got back from two weeks at an exclusive spa. And then there's me, who looks like I've been up all night even first thing in the morning when I wake up. It's not fair." But his good-natured smile took the bite out of his words.

Jack smiled broadly back at him.

"You're awfully loquacious, old friend. Last time I heard you say that much unrelated to ship's business was when you had a thing for that waitress back on Barcelona." _The planet_ _Barcelona, "a fantastic place"which he had first visited with The Doctor._ A sliver of yearning for those days slid into his chest at the memory, but he gave himself a mental shake, and returned his attention to his friend.

"What was her name, Jimmy?"

His first officer blew his breath out through pursed lips. "That was quite awhile ago, Jackie."

"And there's no way in hell you don't remember her name, so what was it?"

"Jada."

"That's right. I haven't seen you looking so lighthearted since then. So what gives?"

Smeed flushed.

"Jim!"

"I had coffee yesterday with Dr. Raynor," he admitted.

"You sly dog, you!"

"I like her, Jackie."

"Power to you, Jimmy. I like her too."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25--Intermezzo

_**Romance, who loves to nod and sing**_

_**With drowsy head and folded wing**_

_**Among the green leaves as they shake**_

_**Far down within some shadowy lake,**_

_**To me a painted paroquet**_

_**Hath been—most familiar bird—**_

_**Taught me my alphabet to say,**_

_**To lisp my very earliest word**_

_**While in the wild wood I did lie,**_

_**A child—with a most knowing eye.**_

_**Of late, eternal condor years**_

_**So shake the very Heaven on high**_

_**With tumult as they thunder by,**_

_**I have no time for idle cares**_

_**Through gazing on the unquiet sky;**_

_**And when an hour with calmer wings**_

_**Its down upon my spirit flings,**_

_**That little time with lyre and rhyme**_

_**To while away—forbidden things—**_

_**My heart would feel to be a crime**_

_**Unless it trembled with the strings.**_

**--Edgar Allen Poe, "Romance"**

* * *

When the Captain returned to his quarters, Kam was awake on the settee, the portrait of Jack and Ianto on the roof unrolled in front of him on the coffee table, a cup of steaming orange jasmine tea in his hands.

"Hey, Cariad?" Jack greeted him softly, "What are you doing up?"

"I woke up. You were gone." He sniffed a little and when he glanced quickly at Jack and away, his eyes were red and watery. Jack moved quickly to sit beside him and pull him into his arms.

"Kam? Why are you crying?"

The younger man shrugged helplessly. He couldn't have told Jack even if he knew the answer. He'd woken from a dream in which Jack had left him for someone else, someone who knew how to please him, and when he'd awoken to find Jack gone, all of Kam's insecurities had kicked into high gear.

"I didn't know where you were."

"I went to my office to check on something. It took longer than I expected. What's upset you? Did you have a bad dream? Where did you think I'd gone?"

Furiously, Jack wracked his brain. What could have so upset Kam? It wasn't an uncommon thing for Kam to awaken to find Jack's side of the bed empty. Generally he joined him initially, slept a few hours, then rose to read or get some work done, occasionally slipping back into bed beside the beautiful sleeping boy for a little more sleep before the alarm went off, but most often he was up for the day. And it wasn't as if the Welshman was a large ship. There just weren't that many places Jack could have been, and Kam could have come looking for him in any of them as he had done on occasion. Checking in with his first officer, with his engineer, getting a cup of coffee in the mess, catching up on paperwork in his office…all activities Kam had taken in stride.

Unable to find words to reassure the man in his arms, since he had no idea what the problem was, Jack resorted to taking the tea cup out of his hand, placing it carefully aside, and kissing him fiercely. Kam's initial resistance dropped almost immediately as he relaxed into Jack's embrace.

"You're okay, Cariad," Jack whispered hoarsely as he broke off the kiss momentarily. "I've got you, and I'm not letting you go."

At his words, Kam took Jack's head in his hands and pulled him in for a series of desperate kisses. Following his lead, Jack met the frenzied sortee kiss for kiss, touch for touch. Eventually the near violence of Kam's passion retreated, his touches calmed, his kisses slowed. Jack held him tight as he quieted, whispering soothing nothings, aware of the shudderings of the boy's shoulders, even if the sobs were silent. Finally those too settled. Jack feathered kisses on Kam's head.

"See, Kam, you're all right. I'm right here. Shhhh. You're fine." He gently pushed the younger man back by the shoulders, detaching Kam's face from the spot on his own chest where it had been buried, so that he could look into his eyes.

"You okay?"

Kam nodded with a wan smile.

"Then how about I get you tucked into bed, make us some fresh tea, and read a little more about Hogwarts? What do you think?"

Kam sniffed one last time, and his smile widened a little.

"I think that sounds great."

Once Kam was settled under the covers, Jack wrapped one of his own sweaters around the younger man's shoulders before heading to the electric kettle to boil more water. Kam was still awake, barely, propped up in bed awaiting him when he returned, looking far calmer than he had at any time since Jack returned to their quarters.

"Want to tell me what that was about?" he asked carefully, gently. Kam's eyes dropped to the ground and he shook his head.

"Okay. Scoot over, Kam. Here's your tea…" Jack placed his own on the bedside table and slid in beside him, picking up the book. "Ready?"

Kam nodded, cuddling up against Jack, sipping carefully at the hot tea.

"'Harry's last month with the Dursleys wasn't fun…'" Jack began reading. Kam was asleep before he turned the next page.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26--Intermezzo

_**The other half is to dramatize the fact that we still "are" human beings, now.**_

_**Or can be. It might just be that simple.**_

**--David Foster Wallace**

* * *

"Déjà vu," Kam thought to himself as he entered the mess to find it empty except for Avi Stasi.

"Stasi," Kam said neutrally.

"Anders." The other man spat out his name. Kam poured himself a cup of coffee then deliberately turned to face the salvage expert.

"I want to make something very clear to you, Stasi. My past is something I had no control over and make no apologies for. I was eleven years old when my mother died. Custody was awarded to an uncle I'd never seen before, and as soon as he could, he sold me to one of the Red Houses. I was marked, I was imprisoned, I was beaten, I was raped. I did what I needed to in order to survive. When I had the opportunity, I escaped. I do take responsibility for that, and the choices I've made since, including signing onto this ship. I'm a pilot, and a damned good one. And I'm my own man, a free man, for the first time in my life. I choose who I'm with and when."

Quaking inside, he was amazed by the steadiness of the voice coming out of his own mouth.

"I outrank you on this ship. If you continue your insubordination, I will have to put you on report. You don't have to like me, Mr. Stasi, but you do have to treat me with respect." He continued to face the other man, holding his breath. Stasi held his gaze but as the discussions he'd had about the young pilot, and his own observations began to filter through his mind, the initial instinctive hostility gradually faded into grudging respect.

"Yes, sir. I apologize sir. I completely misread the situation, and I take full responsibility for that."

"I'm sure the version of what took place you heard from Ruegar Hannix differs a bit from my point of view."

"Yes, sir. But it took me a little while to figure out how skewed it was. I wasn't paying attention to my own observations, or to the way the other members of this crew interacted with you. I do, actually, sincerely apologize. My behavior was unforgivable, I know, but I hope that eventually we'll at least be able to work together professionally."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27--Intermezzo

_**It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. **_

_**Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, **_

_**and seven days are more than enough for others.**_

**--Jane Austen**

* * *

"Captain? A word?"

Jack paused, pivoted on his heel and followed Anna Raynor into the infirmary.

"I've got to find a different route to the mess, Doctor Raynor," he told her with a twinkle in his eye that belied the sentiment he was expressing. "Unless you've decided to take Kam and me up on the offer of a threesome?" He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Sorry, Captain. I—had another idea. Well, the same idea, but…" She stopped, realized how that might sound, took a breath and tried again.

"I thought Kam's birthday dinner was a success."

"I did too."

"There are fifteen crew members on this ship. I've checked. Their birthdays aren't exactly evenly distributed, but they are sprinkled throughout the year. I thought, that is, it seems to me that it would be nice if we had a special dinner for each birthday. Kind of give people something festive to look forward to."

"Good idea. I'm putting you in charge. Just let me know if you need anything from me."

"Well, there is one thing…"

He waited.

"I don't have a medical chart on you."

He kept waiting.

"I need to know when your birthday is."

Jack eyed her thoughtfully.

"Why don't you pick a day somewhere where there's a gap and make it my birthday? Or better yet, make it the same as yours. That way all the attention will be on you and the crew won't feel like they have to make a big deal about mine." He winked at her on his way out the door. "And we both know mine will be just as real as yours, Sara."

His exit left Anna thunderstruck. The initial panic she felt when she heard her own name pass his lips slowly eased. Certainly, she was at no greater risk for his knowing her name than she had been since she told him her story. If he turned her in, the bounty would be paid whether he knew her name or not. _But if the captain of a little salvage ship on the very periphery of the Empire could figure out her identity…_ She shook herself. That was her mistake. Jack was a lot of things, but ordinary captain of an insignificant vessel wasn't one of them. She only hoped Mr. Smeed was right that "trustworthy" was. Her life depended on it.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28--Intermezzo

"_**Freedom lies in being bold."**_

_**--Robert Frost**_

* * *

"Ms. Tolbert?"

Roberta poked her head out from behind the Welshman's main drive to see who had invaded her engine room.

"Mr. Weiss. What can I do for you?"

"Captain sent me down to see if you could use some help in the engine room."

Carsten Weiss held his breath, willing her to say that she could use his assistance with something. Any excuse to spend part of the shift in her company.

"Great. I can always use an extra hand, Mr. Weiss. Grab me that spanner over there, would you? It'll save me from having to worm my way out and back in here…" Weiss brought her the tool she'd indicated, thinking to himself that he wouldn't really have minded watching her worm her way in or out of anything. But she'd accepted his help, and that was more than he could have hoped for.

More than a month since he'd first met Roberta Tolbert and he still didn't understand the pull she exerted on him. She wasn't a classic beauty, not like the Doc, for example, but she drew him far more. He knew she had a history, had heard her allude to that fact, but had no idea what it was. It didn't matter. He believed in judging people based on who they were now, not what they had done in the past. Not that past actions couldn't be an indicator of future behavior, but he also sincerely believed that people could fundamentally change. Anyone who lived on the edges of space knew that it was possible to completely reinvent one's self, for better or for worse. In Tolbert's case, he couldn't imagine how she could be any better.

The shift flew by, greased by a long list of minor jobs that needed to be done, and a steady stream of light and friendly casual chit chat. Weiss looked at his time piece in surprise when Tolbert said, "Hey, Weiss, you about done there? I think it's way past time to take a break. You a coffee drinker?"

"Sure," he answered, putting a last tightening turn on a bolt. _I am now. I'll be anything you want me to be._

"Let's head up to the mess. I've got a coffee pot down here, but…"

Quickly washing up, they made their way companionably to the mess. A few members of day shift were scattered at tables. Most of their colleagues would be asleep. They'd passed Buddy Garrison on their way in—he'd been headed back to his cabin for some shut-eye he'd told them with a friendly smile. Tolbert and Weiss grabbed their coffee then settled in at an empty table.

"Funny, I've never been much of a coffee drinker, but since I got here…" he mused.

"Really? I think all engineers run entirely on coffee. For days at a time."

They both fell silent, slipped at their drinks. Weiss watched as his companion glanced idly around the room.

"It's a good ship," he commented, "a good crew."

That brought her attention back to him.

"You sound as if you know."

"I've served on some pretty rough ships."

She nodded her acknowledgement, understanding.

"This is better," he continued.

"Yes."

"I was on a ship a few years ago with Torren Fletcher."

"Not a nice man."

"He wasn't much more than a boy then. Small. And nice to look at. The engineer on that ship, everyone was afraid of him. He took a liking to Fletcher right from the start. I don't think anyone had any doubt that if he'd refused, the engineer would have killed him." He looked up, met her eyes. "There was no Captain Harkness on that ship. Everyone knew what was happening to that kid, no one tried to stop it. Maybe if we had…"

"How old were you then, Carsten?" It was the first time he'd heard her say his first name. He liked the way it sounded.

"I was fifteen." That was about what she had guessed.

"And you could have stopped it how?"

He looked away.

"I don't know, but I could have tried. It's one of the things I'm least proud of."

She reached across the table and gently squeezed his hand.

"The key to dealing with regrets like that is to make sure it you don't make that same mistake again. I heard what you did for that boy on Omega from Lachlan. Stood up to three guys who were after him, probably saved his life."

He shrugged.

"Right place, right time. Anyone would have done the same."

"But that's the point. It isn't true. People often don't do the right thing. We've all made mistakes, stood on the sidelines when we could have helped someone. You did a good thing. I was talking to Kai the other day--"

"The two of you are pretty close, aren't you?" he interrupted.

She looked at him curiously.

"Yeah, I suppose. He's probably my best friend on the ship."

He nodded his understanding.

"I'm sorry, what were you going to say about him?"

"I was talking to him the other… Why did you ask that, Carsten?"

"I was just curious. I see you together a lot."

"He was going through a rough time when we signed on. Bad breakup. Missing his boyfriend. We spend time together when we can."

"Oh. I thought maybe you and he…"

She laughed softly.

"Kai and me? No."

"And then I heard maybe, before the captain…"

"Kam? Are you kidding? He's only ever had eyes for one member of this crew."

Sucking in a deep breath, he took the plunge.

"So are you involved with anyone?"

"Me?"

He nodded.

"No." She eyed him speculatively.

"I'd heard you maybe had something going with the doc."

He looked at her perplexed. "The only time I've ever even talked to her was when she did my physical, and that was pretty much 'turn your head and cough,' you know? Besides, she's not my type. A little too--" His voice trailed off as he failed to find the right adjective.

"Well, you know rumors. People will say anything if they think it might get a rise."

"Yeah," then he paused and looked back at her. "Why would anyone think a rumor about Raynor would get a rise?"

Her cheeks flushed, and she looked away from him, then glanced at the time piece on the wall.

"Grab your coffee, Weiss. It's time we get back to work."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29--Intermezzo

_**Oh. Not Excalibur? Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh, dear.**_

**--Torchwood , "Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang"**

* * *

"Anna, what do you know about Earth?"

Kam was sitting casually on a counter in the infirmary, swinging his feet, supposedly there to help the doctor reorganize her supplies, but she was still in the process of figuring out where she wanted things, which left him with nothing to do besides keep her company.

"Earth?" she replied distractedly. "Just, I suppose, just what everyone does. Why?"

"Hmmm? Oh, Jack said something about it, and I wondered—"

Her attention sharpened abruptly. "Jack's been on Earth?"

Kam eyed her, suddenly a little uncomfortable. _Was it supposed to be a secret?_ Henry had warned him about discussing their ages, and he knew not to even hint at Jack's immortality, but surely the fact that Jack had been on Earth…

"He said he used to live there."

"And now he scavenges abandoned ships beyond charted space? Quite a difference."

"I think Jack's done a lot of things," Kam offered neutrally. "He's here now because he wants to be."

Anna could only think of one reason anyone would _want_ to be out here, beyond the routine patrols.

"I'm ready to start putting this stuff away," she told Kam.

He bounded off of the counter grinning with the enthusiasm of a half-grown puppy, for the first time since Anna had met him truly looking like the teenager he'd been until a few days ago. As he landed, the necklace Jack had hung around his neck bounced out from under his shirt. Anna froze, staring at it. Kam looked at her, curious.

"What?"

"Where did you get that?"

"What?" He looked down to see what she was looking at and saw the pendant. A soft smile lifted his lips. "Jack gave it to me."

"Do you know what the symbol on it is?"

"No." He eyed her more seriously. "Do you?"

"What?" She looked back on him, focusing. "No, no. It's just—I think I've seen it before."

"Where?"

But she shook her head.

"I'm not sure." She looked at it again. "It's very pretty. It must mean a lot to Jack for you to wear it. Now, are you here to talk, or to work? We've got a lot of stuff to get back into cupboards before you head off for your shift."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30—Intermezzo

_**I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. **_

_**This makes it hard to plan the day.**_

_**--E. B. White**_

_*** * ***_

Anna Raynor found Captain Harkness sitting alone on the observation deck, on the couch Smeed had found somewhere, motionless, staring out into space, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

"Kam's coffee?"

He smiled up at her. "Miraculous, isn't it?"

"It is definitely the best coffee in the history of the universe."

"Well, there's never been any better," he agreed carefully, thinking how powerfully that taste had stayed with him for five hundred years. "If I'd known you'd be here, I'd have brought you a cup. But that's not why you came looking for me. Unless you just wanted to gaze at the stars."

He scooted over on the couch, making room for her to sit. She raised a humorous eyebrow. He responded with a leer, then gave her a more serious look.

"It's safe, I promise."

She sat beside him, and spent a few minutes quietly, just staring out at distant galaxies.

"That necklace Kam is wearing…"

He waited.

"He said you gave it to him."

"Yes."

"The symbol on it…"

"Torchwood."

"That's how you knew who I was."

"I remembered seeing a communiqué a few years ago about a doctor who worked in a clinic being broken out of prison and smuggled out of the central planets. I looked it up."

"You're Torchwood."

"Yes."

"Torchwood saved my life."

"Yes."

"Did you have anything to do with that?"

"No."

"But that's the sort of thing you do?"

"Not for a long time. Now I—monitor."

"Is that enough?"

"It has been."

"And now?"

"I don't know."

They both fell silent, sitting congenially, watching the ever-changing vista out the observation port.

"I guess I don't have to worry about you turning me in for the bounty any more."

"I guess you don't. Besides, now you have something on me."

"Nothing I'd ever use. Or tell." She paused. "Kam doesn't know about Torchwood, does he?"

"Bits and pieces. Not the big picture."

"You going to tell him?"

"In time. Over time. There's a lot to tell."

"You're a good man, aren't you, Jack Harkness?"

"Yeah, well, don't let that get out either, okay?"


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31--Intermezzo

_**To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.**_

**--Jane Austen**

* * *

The day shift poured onto the bridge en masse. Jack stood and stretched, offering up the command chair to Jim Smeed. The two men had met over coffee a couple of hours earlier, so the day's command business of the ship had been completed.

"Good shift, James."

"Thank you, sir."

Jack cast his eye around the bridge.

"Anyone game for a game of two on two in the rec room?"

Kam looked at him curiously, but Weiss's eyes lit up. "Might be able to convince Tolbert to join me in wiping the court with you and Mr. Anders, sir."

"Oh, you think so, do you?"

"Yes, sir."

"We'll meet you there in half an hour."

"Yes, sir. See you there."

Kam turned to Jack as the pair entered their quarters.

"Two on two, sir?"

Jack grinned at him.

"Basketball."

"But sir—I'm not good enough, yet!" They'd been practicing a fair amount, and Kam's skills had definitely improved, but he was still insecure about them.

"Doesn't matter, Cariad. Two on two is just fun. No one's going to expect you to play like Shaq."

"How is Shaq?"

"Hmm? Shaq's a who, not a how. A great basketball player."

"Something I am not."

"Well, not yet, but Cariad, please, trust me?"

Clad in shorts and t-shirts, the two men made their way back to the rec room where they found Weiss and Tolbert warming up. Jack skimmed off his shirt and entered the court.

"All right, two on two, clean game, you against us, first team to ten wins, and please remember that this is Kam's first ever basketball game, so play nice."

It felt odd to be playing a game in which a pterodactyl swooping down and grabbing the ball wasn't a real possibility. Jack had loved playing ball in the Hub, another memory which until now had been lost to time. Initially Ianto hadn't been much of a player, but as time went on and he saw that the game was the point, rather than winning or losing, as he and Jack had become more involved, he'd started playing. Kam had his grace, his sense of timing, if not his confidence. Didn't keep him from scoring three of their ten points, though. It was a good match, ending with Tolbert and Weiss just one point behind, and filled with lots of laughter. With a bit of back slapping, and promises to "do this again soon," Roberta and Carsten had headed for the crew showers, Jack and Kam for their quarters. Kam was pumped with the adrenaline and endorphins that have drawn people to sport for millennia.

Literally bouncing along beside the older man, he burbled his way down the corridor.

"Can you believe I got that shot, Jack? It went around, and around and around, and I was sure it was going to bounce out, but then it WENT IN! It was such a great game! And people play like that all the time? I've never had so much fun! Have you ever had so much fun before, Jack?"

Jack was tempted to tell him 'no', simply because he was enjoying the uncharacteristic stream of consciousness so much. But he couldn't lie to Kam.

"A long time ago, I traveled with some friends, and no matter where we were or what we were doing, it seemed like we always ended up running, usually running for our lives. That feeling, that exhilaration, I felt that every time we got back to the Tardis in one piece." _And then there had been naked basketball late at night in the Hub…_

But still caught up in his endorphin high, Kam wasn't really listening.

"Jack, when can we play again?"

* * *

On his way to the crew showers, Carsten Weiss was less ebullient but no less elated. Roberta hadn't hesitated in agreeing to the game when he'd swung by the engine room to ask her, and had turned out to be a damned good player. The game had been silly, light-hearted, fun, and Roberta had been every bit as much the tease as Jack Harkness. Who would have guessed?

"Thanks for agreeing to do that," he ventured out loud.

"Are you kidding? It was great! It's so nice to have a place to get some exercise. It really helps after a long shift of crawling in, around, and under big engines to have the opportunity to work the kinks out."

"I know what you mean. Minus the crawling. It helps after a day of sitting at a control panel too."

"I guess it won't be too much longer before we actually start looking for ships to scavenge. That should make our days a little more interesting."

"Have you minded this, then? The same stuff day in, day out?"

His question caught her off guard and she considered her answer.

"Actually, it's been the most fun I've had in a long time. You?"

"I've been enjoying myself too. This job hasn't been anything like I thought it was going to be."

"I know what you mean."

They reached the shower, and Carsten hesitated. He'd been showering with his crewmates , male and female, including Tolbert, for a month without thinking twice about it. All ships had single shower rooms, except for the officers. It was just how it was done. But for some reason right now felt different from that. More intimate, maybe intrusive. He looked up to find Roberta looking at him humorously.

"Hey, Carsten, let me make that easier for you." And hot and sweaty, looking more beautiful than Weiss could ever remember any woman looking before, she walked up to him, put her hand behind his head, and drew him into a long, deep kiss.

"Now, do you have any questions?"

Mutely, he shook his head.

"Then quit worrying about whether or not I care if you see me naked, and take a shower. If you hurry, maybe you can join me for breakfast…"


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32--Intermezzo

_**Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, **_

_**too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, **_

_**but for those who love, time is eternity.**_

_**--**_**Henry Van Dyke**

* * *

A few minutes before the end of night shift, Jack turned the con over to Kam, and headed down to Smeed's office. He wasn't surprised to find his first officer there, studying the transmission on which this entire mission was based.

"Any new insights, Jimmy?" he asked from the open front door.

His friend startled and looked up at him.

"Hey, Jackie. I wasn't expecting to see you for awhile yet."

Jack shrugged. "It's pretty quiet on the bridge." He nodded towards the pad Smeed had been scrutinizing.

"Any new insights?" he repeated.

Smeed shook his head, frustrated.

"No. Nothing new. I wish we weren't going into this so blind, Jack."

"You and me both, Jimmy, but…"

"I know."

"The potential is huge."

"I know that too. But so is the risk."

"Avi Stasi apologized to Kam."

Smeed looked at him in surprise.

"Now that I wouldn't have predicted."

"Yeah. Even after all this time, people still manage to surprise me sometimes."

"How is Kam?"

"He seems good with it, with everything really. You should come have dinner with us. Tomorrow maybe? I can ask Dr. Raynor too, if you'd like."

Smeed nodded, keeping his face neutral, he couldn't keep the gleam out of his eye.

"That sounds very nice, Jackie. I'd like that."

"Tomorrow night, then?"

"I'll be there."

Jack rose to go.

"Want to get a cup of coffee?" Smeed asked.

"Not tonight, Jimmy. I've got plans…"


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: as mentioned in the intro, Helen gets all credit for this one…

Chapter 33--Intermezzo

_**I SING the Body electric;**_

_**The armies of those I love engirth me, and I engirth them;**_

_**They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,**_

_**And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the Soul.**_

**--Walt Whitman **

* * *

Kam glanced at his reflection in the small mirror over the Captain's sink as he towelled off after his shower. Usually he took his shower first, but not tonight.

When they came off shift, Jack usually spent some time with Mr. Smeed before coming to bed and Kam took notoriously long showers… but not tonight.

Tonight Jack had come back to the cabin they shared (even after more than a month and regardless of Jack telling him "you live here too", Kam wasn't sure he knew how to think of it as 'theirs') and Kam had suggested that the Captain take his shower first. He was the Captain after all. Besides, he took those notoriously long showers; Jack shouldn't be kept waiting.

So Jack took his shower first and then surrendered the bathroom to his young roommate.

Kam hadn't taken a long shower tonight, however. He was too nervous, not that Jack had said or done anything to make him nervous. Not on purpose. He'd simply broken with his routine and that left Kam wondering what it meant. If it meant anything.

He looked long and hard at his image reflected in the mirror, tension tightening in his gut. Time had erased the bruising, healed all but the very worst of his injuries. Jack still hadn't touched him except to kiss him. To hold him while they slept. While he slept. Jack was never in bed when he woke up… sometimes he was in the sitting room reading. Sometimes he was having coffee with Mr. Smeed. Sometimes he was checking in with Roberta Tolbert, making sure the engine room was holding together… sometimes Kam thought the Welshman flew on a hope and prayer…

But tonight, Jack had come back to the cabin, taken his shower first and was in the bedroom. Tonight… tonight if Jack didn't touch him, he would know… _I'll know he doesn't really want me the way I want him. _

After all, Jack was three thousand years his senior… three thousand years. How many lifetimes was three thousand years? _How can he look at me and see anything more than an insignificant speck? A nanosecond… a fraction of one._ What could a mere mortal lifespan mean to a man who would live forever?

And yet the Captain's words… his actions… the way he held onto the younger man… Kam bit his lip wondering what Jack was waiting for. _If he doesn't take me tonight, if he doesn't want me for that fraction of a nanosecond that my life is worth…_ Swallowing, he slid into the soft pyjama bottoms and slipped into the bedroom.

Jack was lounging on the bed wearing just his pyjama bottoms, reading a book. In addition to Harry Potter, they were both still reading the Oz series. The older man looked up and smiled, "That was quick," his grin was warm. "Don't tell me I used all the hot water."

Kam just shrugged off his laugh as a new wave of anxiety hit him. What if Jack really did want him tonight and what if he wasn't good enough for the Captain? What if he disappointed him? What could he possibly offer a man who had lived so long… done so much?

When he'd been in the Red Houses, he'd always been given a brief outline of what the client expected so he could prepare himself. So he could deliver. He still had to be able to read the client, to figure out the little details… and sometimes the client didn't know themselves what they wanted ahead of time. But usually they had some idea.

Make it quick.

Make it slow.

This client likes this. This client likes that. The client _doesn't_ like this…the 'don't's were as important as the 'do's.

He could be the perfect fantasy. No questions. No complaints.

Never disappoint.

Never, _**ever**_ disappoint. When the client wasn't happy the House took it out on the Server and the punishments were always brutal.

But what about the punishments outside the Houses? Weren't they just as brutal? Jack wouldn't injure him… he trusted him… he knew he wouldn't lash out physically if he was displeased… but there were more ways to hurt a man besides inflicting physical pain.

Bruises healed.

It was the other sorts of hurts he worried about.

He trusted Jack not to just dump him off on some planet somewhere out here in the fringe regions. Jack was a Good Man. A truly good man. But he was sure it would be over some day. Jack would move on; sooner or later he'd find someone else… _just please let it be later rather than sooner… _

Jack put down his book and studied the young man standing there, chewing on his lip, seemingly staring into space. "You ok?"

"Yeah… yeah, fine," Kam forced a smile.

"If you're tired, I can take my book out to the other room," the other offered.

He shook his head. "I'm not tired." He moved over to the bed, but instead of going to his side, he sat down next to his Captain. He leant in. He felt his eyelids slide shut as their lips met. Strong hands gripped his shoulders, holding him tight. Jack's tongue slipped between his lips and Kam yielded immediately. He slid onto the older man's lap, straddling him, needing him to understand…

He felt Jack grow stiff… his own body was having a similar reaction. He didn't realize what he was doing until he'd pushed Jack's head back into the pillow. He was completely dominating the rough, needy kiss.

Kam drew back… but there was no hint of disapproval in the other man's eyes, there was just… just a smile and… and that same expression he'd always worn in Kam's dreams... the same expression he thought he'd seen on Jack's face in real life… Love… he bit his lip. How could Jack love him? He barely knew him…

Jack brushed his fingers over the younger man's lips. "After that, I think I'm going to need another shower… a cold one," he teased.

Kam swallowed. "You… don't have to. I mean… I could… if you want." _If you want me… please want me._

"What do you want?"

Kam found himself unable to meet Jack's gaze. "I want… this," he forced the words out, praying the sentiment was mutual. "I want you."

Jack's breath caught. There it was again, a simple statement, taking him back five hundred years to another time and a place… a stopwatch… his beautiful Welshman, so scared… so determined…

But Kam wasn't an inexperienced young man fumbling his way through his first encounter with a man. It was ironic, really. Ianto had had dating experience (after a fashion), but none when it came to sex between two men. Jack doubted that there was any form of sex Kam hadn't been forced to endure, but he still had no idea what he was supposed to do on a date… what to do when it wasn't being forced on him.

_So different… so __**much **__the same…_ "I'm right here," he said. "And I want you too."

"How… what do you want me to do?" He bit his lip again. He shouldn't have to ask. He should be able to figure it out… he should be able to deliver up the perfect experience for the client… except Jack wasn't a client. Kam wasn't sure what he was… _a friend…a lover… my Captain._ Yes. His Captain.

Jack's answer to the question was simple. "Whatever you want. However you want it. I'm up for whatever you are tonight."

Swallowing back the last of his nervousness, Kam leant in again and found the other man's mouth with his lips.

Jack slid his arms around his body... it reminded him of that day on the bridge… of a night in a warehouse with a pterodactyl… He could feel the little tremor of nervousness in the younger man, though. He smiled, "You're doing fine," he assured him softly in between kisses.

Kam nodded; he had honestly never been on top of a man before, not like this, never in control… he was young and pretty. Young and pretty meant underneath… it meant do as he was told no matter how painful or humiliating.

But that was his old life.

He kissed Jack's lips and his neck… he eased himself down his Captain's body, teasing gently at one of his nipples with his mouth, testing his reaction… Jack arched his back and breathed out Kam's name, burying his fingers deep in the young man's hair. The sound of it his name made the younger man's chest heave with joy. Never, ever, had anyone called out his name before… other names maybe, but never his. No one had ever wanted to be with _him_ before…

Kam looked up at Jack's face… "Please tell me you want me…" he begged softly. _Please mean it… _

Jack cupped his face, bringing him into another kiss. "I want you," he said without hesitation. "I want you… " He buried his face in the young man's hair, kissing him.

Suddenly Kam found himself on his back, Jack on top of him, kissing him… his neck… his chest… he was tugging gently at the younger man's pyjama bottoms.

Kam knew he'd been hoping for a little more foreplay before being mounted… _but what right do I have to complain_? Here was this wonderful, amazing man… his man with blue eyes, his Captain… _and he wants __**me**_. Kam shimmied the rest of the way out of his pyjama bottoms. Maybe next time…

Jack leant in and kissed him again. Kam returned it eagerly, not wanting to disappoint the older man. He wanted there to be a next time. He _needed_ there to be a next time.

Jack kissed his lips… his neck… he pulled the younger man's earlobe into his mouth…. He kissed and nibbled at his shoulders, his chest… soft gentle kisses… occasional not-so-gentle nibbles… Kam shuddered under the unexpected attention.

He closed his eyes and let Jack's lips and that wonderful scent become his whole world… Jack kissed his way down Kam's body… the young man shuddered again when he realized what he was doing… when he felt Jack's lips touch him… kiss him…

Kam felt himself coming close to the edge… he tried to steady his breathing, to prolong the experience as long as he could, because it felt so good to have someone touching him like that, to have someone want to touch him… someone smiling up at him the way Jack smiled up at him just then, watching his reactions. He reached up with one hand, twining his fingers into Kam's, a simple gesture that made the younger man's heart swell…

Jack kissed and caressed bringing him close to the edge and then backing down again, over and over until Kam was shaking with need... he pulled himself back up to the head of the bed and leant in, pressing his lips to the younger man's neck again, a soft, sensual kiss.

"I'd like to feel you inside me," he whispered.

"You… want _me_… on top…?"

He nodded. "Unless you don't want to," he offered. He met Kam's gaze. "You know I would never expect you to do anything you didn't want to do," he said seriously.

The tone of his voice broke the spell, if only for a moment. Kam looked at him… really looked at him. "I know. I trust you." _I love you_. "I want to make you happy."

"You already make me happy, Cariad."

Kam pulled him into another rough kiss…


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34--Epilogue—Intermezzo

**_Gwen: At least it wasn't a spaceship full of aliens._**

**_Jack: That might have been easier._**

**--Torchwood "Out of Time"**

* * *

Jack Harkness sat on the couch on the observation deck, _Glinda of Oz_ in his hand, Kam Anders' head in his lap. Kam was reading _The Lost Princess of Oz_. But unlike his rapt young lover, Jack was having trouble concentrating on the book. The wide expanse of space kept drawing his eyes, allowing random thoughts to float around in his mind.

His life had changed so much in the last couple of months. He'd started this mission feeling so tired, so old, so isolated, looking forward only to the potential payoff at the end, his only real relationship with the faithful Mr. Smeed. Now he was looking forward to the mission itself, excited by the prospect of the future, anxious to find out what awaited them in the unpatrolled region of space. He had a ship, a crew, a few people he thought might be turning into friends (_a team?_), and a lover.

There was so much out in space—adventure, beauty, excitement, maybe even somewhere a little blue box, bigger on the inside than the outside. And whatever was out there, for however long they had, he wouldn't be exploring it alone.

His heart bursting with almost forgotten emotion, he bent over and placed a deep kiss on his lover's lips. Initially startled, Kam avidly responded. When Jack finally reluctantly ended the kiss, Kam smiled up at him.

"What was that for, Jack?"

"I love you, Cariad."

"I love you too, Jack." Returning to his book, he added lightly, sounding so like Ianto that for a moment Jack saw the Welshman's blue grey eyes instead of Kam's twinkling brown ones, "You and Dorothy…"

FIN


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